Saturday, July 30, 2011
I am finding that one of the most difficult parts of this whole healing process is finding who to turn to. Through my whole marriage I have turned to my husband to discuss problems and issues I am having. Now he is the source of my problems (I'm not trying to be mean, I hope you know what I mean) and I don't want to offend him because of my new found feelings. Example. Today my parents took my husband and I to the play South Pacific. I tried to enjoy it but in all honestly I really didn't. Some of the soldiers go to an island so they can meet some "dames" and sleep with them. Arg. It made me so annoyed and physically ill to my stomach. In the past this would never have bothered me, I wouldn't have even noticed it. Now it sickens me. I try so hard not to think of men as these lustful indulging animals (because most are not) but the thought is hard to remove when I am constantly inundated with this. I also saw Captain America this week with the hubs and same thing. It just made me so mad. It upsets me that I can't even go out for a nice evening without becoming upset at what I see. Very frustrating. Back to not being able to talk with my husband. I do tell him most of the time when I am sad or frustrated because of where we are now but I feel awful for hurting him like that. He already feels bad enough and me showing my frustrations is just another burden. I know I can talk with some close friends and family but then I feel like I am hiding things from him. It's a tricky situation for me to say the least. Constantly finding new "joys" HA! to this wonderful adventure I have been put in. Oh, life.