Thursday, February 16, 2012

Be the hero

So yesterday I went to a Scentsy convention where I was suppose to get all fired up about selling Scentsy and becoming filthy rich. Ha ha ha. I had a good time and did learn a few things but somehow my mind kept wandering to the topic of this blog. I guess my focus isn't 100% on selling Scentsy (but my house does smell good :) and more so on life and trials. So here was the message that I took home that I want to share with all of you. It was one short sentence but one that hit me. The speaker said don't be the victim of your life, be the hero. It's so simple yet true. So many times in my life I think; 'I can't do this, this is hard, I am not good at this, why me, why should I even try', and on and on and on. I am the type of person that likes to be automatically good at things, and that list is not overly long. I don't like putting much effort into things and when I am not good I usually quit. Really though. I played soccer from the age of 4 and quit at 14 when I didn't like the coach. I tried out for dance, tennis, basketball, and student body in high school all with no success. I didn't try out again. I have high self esteem and like the person that I am but I am a quitter. I don't like trying once I fail the first time. I make myself the victim instead of the hero. When I heard this sentence yesterday I thought how very true it is to become the victim of our husbands pornography addiction. We did NOTHING to cause this. We did NOTHING to deserve this. In some cases we even tried to do everything to avoid it. And still we are the ones who get to suffer and hurt from somebody else's actions. We are the ones who attend therapy and 12 step programs in hopes to heal our broken hearts. When you look at this situation it most definitely seems as though we are the victim. If we allow ourselves to be, we are. We can become the helpless sad victim who never mends her broken heart. Well, here's the good news. You don't have to be the victim, in fact you can be the exact opposite. You can be the hero! You can continue to attend therapy, communicate openly with your husband, attend 12 step meetings, cry/vent/sob/laugh/etc. whenever you need to. You can become whole again. Your heart can mend, it can become stronger. You can become stronger in the gospel, strenghten your marriage, even become the person you have always wanted to be from the results of a horrible addiction. Being the hero in this trying time is not easy. It's not fun or enjoyable but it is possible and it is worth it. I thank my Heavenly Father that for one of the first times in my life I did not allow myself to become the victim. I chose to nip this thing in the rear and figure it out. I feel like such a better person because of this trial. The communication skills I have developed with my husband were non-existant before this burden entered my life. I am grateful that I became the hero in my life. Don't be the victim in your life, be the hero!


  1. I could heal from pornography,
    Its the prostitutes that gets me.

    1. I'm so sorry. Keep at it. You can get there some day. Keep working to heal yourself since you can't undo what he has done.

  2. Amen! I've been thinking about this a lot lately, did you see my last post? I would say though, that even though it's hard, it IS fun. It feels so much better to take back our power and quit whining. :) I really feel like life IS enjoyable again.

  3. I love this! I just left a comment on Jane's that fits perfectly here too!

    Way to go girls! CHIN UP :)

  4. I was addicted. I remember my bishop had no clue how to help me. I am glad the church is creating programs to help deal with this issue.

    We are the first generation to have gone through this plague. And as we take on leadership positions in the church we will be the best at helping others avoid and conquer this plague.

    Your husband having gone through this will help create the most powerful soldiers the church as seen. And the prophesies that the members of the church will be noticeably different than those who are not will be that much more fulfilled. The addicted mind does not function like a non-addicted mind.

    What a wonderful hero you are for standing by him and helping him become more.

  5. Thank you for all your comments. Annonymous I am sorry for your hurt. I hope that you are able to heal through such a hardship. Jane you are right it is fun to enjoy life again. Whinning gets us all no where is ever facet of life. Thank you for that addition.

  6. How pathetic am I? I got teary eyed reading this, would have flat out cried my heart out had I not been at work! Loved this post!! You are so beautiful Wife A, I love reading your blog, hopefully I see you tonight at group. I almost posted this whole post on fb, I think a lot of people need this, even if it has NOTHING to do with pornography.


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