Wednesday, July 13, 2011


So today we went to couples counseling. It was... interesting? Let's me honest I wasn't super thrilled about how it went. The couselor is super great don't get me wrong but I felt like it stirred up all the emotions that I thought were behind me. Maybe they're not behind me? Or maybe they really were just rekindled. Either way not super enjoyable but hoping it will be good in the end. I realized tonight that something that is super frustrating to me is that my husband will rid this of life (halleluah) but how do I truly overcome my hurt? I have forgiven him but I am still hurt. Ugh I once again feel lost and confused. I wish someone would just tell me what to do but it's not happening any time soon. Somthing the hubs and I talked about tonight was that this might just be something that I have to overcome on my own with my Heavenly Father's help. This is a hard realization for me because I like immediate fixes. I have felt like there is so much help for men dealing with pornography related issues (thank goodness) but very little for the spouses. Society has shunned the topic of pornography but the truth is that it is far more spread than any of us can even imagine. How sickeninig to know that it is a billion dollar industry. I hope one day that I will be brave enough to share my story and be a strength to those dealing with it. I also hope that more talk and awareness will evolve so that this addiction can be avoided all together.

1 comment:

  1. If I may offer advice to you Wife A it would be this... you are still very early on in your healing. It is OKAY to feel anger, sadness, hurt, betrayal, and other feelings right now. Like I said, I've been in therapy for over 17 months and I still feel like I'm experiencing the 5 stages of grief. This is serious stuff- it's not easy. Yes happiness is a choice, and I'm so impressed with your strength, but I also hope that you will do what is necessary for YOUR healing. It's impossible for you to be over it so quickly... You won't be over it quickly, just like his addiction will take time to overcome. Continue is individual therapy. Vent it out on this blog- the good AND the bad. Give yourself time... you will get there... I'm 17 months out and I'm still getting there...



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