Tuesday, July 12, 2011
My husbands Situation
I have read so much information and stories of couples dealing with a pornography addiction and some have literally brought me to tears. My heart aches for these men and women. The women did not ask for this burden, did nothing wrong and are still forced to live a "normal" and "happy" life. It is completely life changing and extremely difficult and unfair. The men who live with pornography addictions in no way ever wanted to live double lives or hurt and sometimes destroy their families. My heart, along with my husbands, aches for this awful disease that is so rapidly ruining people and families. Satan is a bugger isn't he? I say this next part very tenderly in hopes not to offend or discourage anyone. My husband thankfully has never spent a dime on pornography (good thing because we have plenty of schoold debt as is) and has not had any communication with another person besides me. For this I am eternally grateful. I am so sorry for women forced to deal with extreme pornography viewing, sexting, cybersex, and physical infidelity along with anything else. This must cause excruciating pain. My husband goes to weekly group meetings and we are starting couples therapy this week (not sure how often we will be going). We are still happy even though we do have a new burden that is discussed frequently in our home. We have had a few lifestyle changes that so far have been a good change. We watch significantly less tv. After finding out about this problem I realized how sexfilled our world is and suggested to my husband that we watch less tv. Every show we watch and even the commercials have some inappropriate scene or comment it seems. We now try to spend more time chatting or doing something productive after our kids go to bed. It has been a hard change because we LOVE watching tv at night but it has been good. We also have set aside a time every week where I ask how he did that week. It is motivation for him to stay 'clean' because he knows I will be asking. He hasn't viewed any material since he told me. :) We know that we can overcome this but at the same time it is something we will always have to be aware of. This annoys me but I am trying to accept that it will forever have an effect on us. I hope that some day I can inspire and teach other women about this awful plague, teaching them how to avoid it and if it does enter their lives, how to overcome it. I am truly grateful that the severity of my husbands problem has not reached a more extreme level. I encourage you women suffering with whatever degree of addiction that you have been handed that you can do it. Whether you stay and encourage your husband or go your separate ways, you are amazing and will be blessed. You can and will be happy again just like I will be. When I think life is unfair and why me? I remember Heavenly Father doesn't give us anything we can't handle so just remember how strong and tough you are. Sometimes I wish I was a wuss and got some other easier less permanent trial but we didn't and it's because we are so strong and amazing. Remember that. Heavenly Father loves you and will provide and comfort in times of need.