After the initial shock and sobbing episodes I realized that I could not live this way. My children needed a good mom and my husband needed a good wife. At first I torn between "Do I punish and shun my husband," or do I "Love him unconditionally and support him?" After lots of thought and prayer and some advice from my sister in law I decided that I needed to be Chirstlike and still love and support him. It was a very difficult decision because I wanted to punish him for his actions. I didn't want to cook for him, or be nice to him, have sex with him or anything else that put a smile on his face. I decided that I could and had to choose to be happy. He needs my support and love. My kids need and deserve a happy mom and dad who love each other.
And so I chose to be just that, happy.
This doesn't mean that it isn't hard. I find myself wishing so badly that this never happened to me, or I will question why I still go to church and try to do what it right. Then I remember that Heavenly Father loves me more than I can imagine. The purpose of this life is go through trials and to become better. Plus, I have a strong testimony and know that the Church is true. My husband and I have been enormously blessed with so much and I know that Heavenly Fathe truly watches over me and protects my family. Life is full of trials. This is not the first trial I have ever experienced and unfortunately it will not be the last. Trials are given to us to make us better people and for us to help others in return. I hope that I can help other wives who are suffering that my husband can someday help other men avoid this plague of pornography. This month in the Ensign I read a wonderful message. I hope that it will help you in choosing happiness. Life is hard and it's ok to have rough times and moments. This is a horrible rampant problem that is very unenjoyable to deal with but... we can still choose to be happy regardless of life's circumstances. I hope you read the article and are able to choose and honestly be happy admist life's sometimes awful circumstances.