I found another one

Last night I found another one. Another victim that is. My very best friend in the whole world. I mean VERY best friend. She and her husband have been dealing with this for 3-4 years without me knowing whatsoever. I confided in her the day after I found out about my own situation and she finally confided in me last night that she has been dealing with this for some time. My heart broke for her. She is strong and more than amazing and I am the first one she has ever and may possibly ever tell. I love this girl so much (words literally cannot describe) and I respect her and her husband a LOT, to say the least. Her husband is an amazing man who has and does accomplish much good. They are incredibly faithful people and no one in a billion years would ever guess something like pornography could invade their lives. It made me realize that this disease can and will find anyone. It is affecting so many and we don't even realize it. I want so badly to be brave and tell everyone what I am dealing with so that they to can overcome and know that they are not alone, if perhaps they are ensnared. My heart breaks for how rampant this problem is even among righteous honorable men. No one is exempt. As women we can support, love, and forgive our amazing husbands. I know that my relationship has grown immensely with my husband. This is something that will forever change our lives. I wish this upon NO ONE, but if you have found yourself as the victim, you are not alone and we will be better because of this.

Life Changing

On June 1, 2011 my world got turned completely upside down. Finding out about my husbands pornography addiction was the most heart breaking experience of my life. The events leading up to this night are very interesting as I now look back and I am truly grateful for how it was all uncovered. A few months earlier the Bishop in our ward advised the women to directly ask their husbands if they suffered from this addiction. On the way home from church we talked about pornography addiction but I did not directly ask and he didn't fess up. I put it behind me. The weekend before I found out we were at his parents house, who are pornography recovery specialists, and they talked a great deal about it to us. I was informed of many statistics and stories that seriously shocked me. I was very naive to how rampant pornography is in our society. I once again didn't even think it would EVER effect my family. Then 2 days before my husband told me that his brother, whom we greatly admire, suffers from this addiction. I was SHOCKED. He is one of the most amazing people I knew, how could he of all people succomb to this evil I thought. I was saddened by this information but once again disregarded it. However, this time it wouldn't leave my mind. Finally on June 1, I asked my husband if he suffered from an addiction and he admitted that he did. I was so surprised and heart broken. How? Why? Why me? I have lived a righteous life and we were married in the Temple. You went on a mission. We go to Church. We help others. How in the world could this have been secretly in my life without me even knowing. The emotions that I felt throughout the next few days were beyond anything I had ever felt before. I sobbed for hours on end. I was completely disfunctional and unable to parent at some points in my day. I thought through my options and discussed with my husband for hours. I wanted so badly to run away and pretend it never happened. Well, life doesn't work that way. I had to deal with this. I knew it wasn't going to be enjoyable or easy but I knew that I could do it. I knew I HAD to do it, for my family and for my kids.