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Hey the LDS Addiction Recovery Program is looking for stories. Head over to this link to read about it and send over any words of wisdom that you can. Thank you for helping this plague get fought!

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The producer of the Shamed movie has contacted me and would like me to get this information out to anyone who might be of help. Please read and respond if this is something that will work into your life and recovery process. If not, I (and the Shamed movie staff) understand. I am excited to see this movie come to pass. It is so very needed. Here's the info!

Hello,
My name is Jordan Harker. Jessica Mockett and I are producing a feature length documentary film entitled SHAMED which focuses on the debilitating effects of shame surrounding pornography use & addiction in conservative Christian communities. The intent of our film is to help people be supportive of those seeking recovery.  We want people to understand pornography addiction by learning to SPEAK openly, LISTEN compassionately and HEAL completely.  You can learn more about the film, the renowned experts and organizations who are on board, and read crew bios at out website:  shamedthemovie.com
We are reaching out to you for some much needed help.  We are currently searching for  individuals (pornography users, addicts, & loved ones of addicts) to share their experiences on-camera.  This is one of the most important aspect of the film for reaching and informing viewers who want to learn about porn and its harmful effects. We ask you to please help share the following information in a personal way through your outlets and networks (blogs, email subscriber lists, website, etc.).
Below is an over-all "wish list" of criteria that will aid us in creating a film that spotlights individuals from varied ethnicities, ages and Christian religions. Our goal is to have these subjects informed, contacted, and solidified by March 24 so that we can comfortably plan/pay for their travel and lodging preparations before our first in studio shoot at the end of April, 2012. 
If you know of anyone who meets the following criteria (or other friends/organizations that would be eager to help), we ask that you share this information with them and encourage them to contact us by the following email or phone number as soon as possible. 
share@shamedthemovie.com
801.709.9741
From their initial contact we will make further communication arrangements that are most appropriate, timely, and comfortable for the potential interviewee. 
We are looking for:
_________________

FEMALE ADDICTS
- female, 17-21 years old, any Christian faith, any ethnicity
- female, 30-35 years old, any Christian faith, non-white
- female, mid 20s, LDS (Mormon), non-white
MALE ADDICTS
- male, teenage boy, any ethnicity, any Christian faith
- male, mid 20s, non-religious/atheist
- male, Hispanic, Catholic, between 25-35 yrs
- male who really pushed the limits of their pornography/sex addiction
(prostitution, child porn, etc.) so as to best address the escalation process,
under 40 years and white, any Christian faith
PARENTS & TEEN PAIRING
- parent/s to appear with user/addict teen, any Christian faith
- 2 other sets of parent/s to appear without user/addict child (parents of
very young children…8-14 yrs), any Christian faith
SPOUSES
- 2-3 couples to appear together, under 35 yrs of age, one spouse is an
addict, any Christian faith, fairly new to recovery phase
- 3-4 wives of addicts to appear alone, under 35 yrs, any Christian faith,
their addict spouse does not have to be in recovery
- 2 divorced couples (split b/c of addiction) to both appear on camera, they
can either be interviewed together or separately, under 35 yrs, any Christian
faith
- 2-3 couples who are well into recovery, who can exemplify how couples can
get through the addiction together and be better for the experience, under
50 yrs, any Christian faith
_________________________

This "wish list" is not set in stone.  Any individual who isn't an exact match, but a good choice is needed for this project.
We assume that those willing to go on camera with their stories will likely be far into recovery, but we are very interested in those who aren't quite all the way there yet to speak on their experiences as well.
If you have questions for me, please let me know.  I very much appreciate your help and hope that you will consider this information and respond as quickly as possible. Our search is time sensitive and we need your support. We believe with the right stories, individuals and experts involved, this film will change so many lives for the better.
share@shamedthemovie.com

Please contact them if you are willing and able. If nothing else I hope that we will all be able to see the film and watch the effect it will have on the many who desperately need it.

Perfection

Why is it that we are so determined to appear 'perfect'? I use to be quite guilty of this but I have recently finally been able to accept that we all struggle. Why is it that we are more than happy to take in meals to others in need or  listen to those suffering for hours on end? I think that most of us actually enjoy doing these things. We enjoy serving others in need but definitely don't like the spotlight on ourselves. Maybe we like serving so much because it makes our own issues go away for a small time. Who knows, really. Regardless of the reasons it's craziness. Sometimes we flat out need help! We need someone's shoulder to cry on. We need a hug or someone to watch our kids so that we can breathe for an hour. Everyone in life needs help occasionally! And it's ok! It's normal!!!! I don't know exactly where I am going with this. I guess I just want us all to remember, including myself, that asking for and receiving help is a good thing. Think of how happy it makes you to serve someone in need. Let someone do that for you. I am not saying that you have to stand on the mountaintop and shout 'MY HUSBAND IS ADDICTED TO PORN!" (That might be a little overwhelming ;) What I am saying though is that if you need help, get it. Whether it is confiding in a friend, emailing me :), attending a 12 step meeting, finding a therapist, joining an online forum, or chatting with a Bishop, do it! Do what you need to continue on this journey of healing. No one's life is perfect, NO ONE'S! Even our amazing Prophet and Apostles of this incredible church face significant trials and I bet you anything that they receive help from others. They don't bear their hardships alone. They have lost children and spouses. They have had children with addictions. They are tried in this life just as we are. They provide help to others in need but they also receive it in their moments of need. Admit that your life is not perfect because it's not. I hope that it is great and wonderful and fun and enjoyable but it is not perfect. It is not suppose to be and it is not ever going to be (sorry to break it to ya). This life is a wonderful journey filled with trials and triumphs. I hope that we will all ask for the help we need when we need it. Asking for help is hard, I know, but make someone's day by letting them serve you. No one's life is perfect and we all secretly know it.

I second that

I wanted to write my thoughts in support of the message Wife J shared about sharing.  Pete struggled for two or three years with just me and the Bishop aware of his problem, and it was getting worse.  After a frustrating couple of weeks we hadn't been speaking much to each other for a few days.  When we finally sat down to talk about it I told him that I felt it was time for him to talk to his dad, who is also a bishop.  He said he had been having that same thought.  It was a testament to me that even when we aren't behaving the way we should (Pete was giving in to temptation and I was angry) the Lord blesses us with promptings from the Holy Ghost to help us, because he loves us. 

My husband did discuss it with his dad.  It was painful and terrifying but his father was completely understanding and compassionate.  Just like Wife J, since that time he has made tremendous progress.  I also have felt as if I'm not bearing this burden alone.  Before, I felt tremendous pressure to be constantly supportive to Pete.  Now I know that when I am feeling weak, he can turn to his dad for additional encouragement and support.  His dad has given him blessings and calls him to check-in on a regular basis.  He asks him direct questions and makes him accountable, all the while being loving and kind. 

I am so grateful for my father-in-law's help.  I hope that every couple can find other friends or family members to help them along the way.  I am also grateful that Pete and I were able to listen to the promptings we felt and act on them even though we were both afraid to do so.

No fear of judgement...

I remember when I first learned of my husband's struggle with pornography. Amongst the many, many thoughts was the fear of someone thinking less of my husband if they knew. I wanted to protect him. Amidst my hurt, I still wanted to protect him. And I thought that telling no one would protect him, and myself. No one knew for a few years, and guess how far we got........eh, a stone's throw at best, if anywhere at all. Compared with the miles covered since involving select others, it was literally nowhere. I now understand the error in my thinking. This type of addiction is much more successfully overcome when involving close family or friends to one's comfort, and/or support groups. Successful to the individual for accountability and encouragement, and successful to the wife for support and perspective. The battle is uphill and steep with loose footing. However, it is worth it, oh so very worth it if both husband and wife are willing! I no longer feel the need to protect, no no, rather commend and revel in my husband's choice to not give up, to endure, to educate himself and seek help. I stand in awe at his determination to be freed from this entanglement. Whatever it took, and continues to take to not only sustain but to be anxiously engaged in good (fighting it). I am no longer shocked to hear of someone struggling with this, no matter how well I know them. In fact, if they are between the ages of 11 and 36, there's a right good chance they are, to some degree or another. I would hope that all wives would bluntly ask their husband's if they struggle with this. This may be bold, but I believe it is a responsibility/right of ours as wives. Not to mention as a mother as well. Our children are inundated by this before they even know what it is. My two year old has already seen pornography! As mothers, our concern cannot be solely focused on keepimg it away. That is impossible. It is everywhere our children go, the mall, the grocery store check out aisle, the billboards,the gas stations, media, phones, and friends. Educating them begins as soon as they can understand "good picture/bad picture" (what makes them feel yucky or confused) turn it off, and "tell mommy". The more comfortable and educated we are with this subject, the more approachable we can be as parents. Open communication from the get-go. We CAN talk about this. We NEED to talk about this.

Help

Just wanted to post about some of the things I have found to help me through this process. Writing in my journal or this blog has been good, talking WAY OPENLY with my husband, cafemom.com, the book Confronting Pornography, and NOT controlling my husband.
-Writing has been a good outlet to express my emotions and also to keep track of how I felt when others need help in the stages I have now surpassed.
-Talking openly with my husband has been most beneficial I would say. This is a tricky one because your husband also has to be willing. We have been patient at listening to each other devulge what hurts us the most. We have stayed up for hours crying and physically hurting. In the moment it is so painful but we are able to completely communicate with each other and understand where we are coming from. I understand this is beyond difficult but for me it has been SUPER beneficial.
-Someone told me about the site cafemom.com. They have a forum called "wives of porn addicts" that has been really interesting and helpful. Some stuff is totally bizarre but I just disregard and read what pertains to me. I would reccommend it though.
-My brother in law sent my husband the book Confronting Pornography and it has a portion for the spouse. SOOO beneficial. I felt like it was my EXACT situation. I would TOTALLY reccommend it. Very good insight.
-Lastly, which I think may be more difficult for some than others, is NOT controlling my husband. This is not something I can fix for him. He has to do this on his own. Me monitoring him or checking internet usage is not going to solve this. We have gotten rid of his smart phone, watch significantly less tv, and have agreed that if he has a problem he tells me that day. Otherwise he is on his own. I love and support him and talk with him frequently. He goes to group therapys and is learning other outlets in stressful moments. I hope these things can be of benefit for you and if you have found other coping mechanisms please share. Addictions can be overcome. I am truly grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ and that He knows the pain we have all experienced. Heavenly Father is so aware of us and wants us so badly to overcome this and teach others how to do lifewise. Satan is vicious and works in such deceitful ways! We are strong women. As we strengthen our own families we can then help others strengthen theirs.
PS do something for youself today, I'm debating between a pedi or shopping... hmm

Never ending

This scares me. I fear relapse so badly. How will I respond? Will we have to start all over? Will everything have been in vain? I want a "quick fix" so badly but it's just not an option. We are doing incredibly well right now. No viewing since the day he told me :). I am proud of him. He has been so tempted these last few days and told me that this is typically when he would fall back into viewing. (Life is stressful for us right now). He has stayed strong even when it takes everything he possibly has to avoid it. I love him and respect him so much for this. When I read stories of relapse time after time I hurt. How does this addiction truly become rid from ones life? Right now I think we are on the right track and we are, but whose to say we won't be derailed in a year or 5 years from now? I guess what I need to do is live in the now. I cannot dread the future. All I can do is be proud of him today because today was a good day. If you have any insight on this matter I would greatly appreciate it.

I found another one

Last night I found another one. Another victim that is. My very best friend in the whole world. I mean VERY best friend. She and her husband have been dealing with this for 3-4 years without me knowing whatsoever. I confided in her the day after I found out about my own situation and she finally confided in me last night that she has been dealing with this for some time. My heart broke for her. She is strong and more than amazing and I am the first one she has ever and may possibly ever tell. I love this girl so much (words literally cannot describe) and I respect her and her husband a LOT, to say the least. Her husband is an amazing man who has and does accomplish much good. They are incredibly faithful people and no one in a billion years would ever guess something like pornography could invade their lives. It made me realize that this disease can and will find anyone. It is affecting so many and we don't even realize it. I want so badly to be brave and tell everyone what I am dealing with so that they to can overcome and know that they are not alone, if perhaps they are ensnared. My heart breaks for how rampant this problem is even among righteous honorable men. No one is exempt. As women we can support, love, and forgive our amazing husbands. I know that my relationship has grown immensely with my husband. This is something that will forever change our lives. I wish this upon NO ONE, but if you have found yourself as the victim, you are not alone and we will be better because of this.

Girls Night

Yay for a much needed girls night. The hubs is out of town for a job interview so I decided to put my kids to bed and invite the girls over. SOOO much fun. Good food, tons of laughing, and my kids even stayed asleep through it all. After everyone left, my best girlfriend stayed and we chatted about more serious things in life. I didn't share with her the actual situation I am going through but gave her a vague understanding of what I am dealing with. We were able to laugh and cry. It feels so good knowing I have friends who love and support me and will cry with me. I don't want her to judge my hubs, which she totally wouldn't, so I haven't told her exactly what we are dealing with. I am mad that I won't just admit it. Maybe she is dealing with it too, maybe she will someday, or maybe she won't but could just be a support. I hate that this is something that is part of my life and that I don't want it to be hidden in the world but I am still too afraid to tell my best friend. I just want to protect my husband's reputation. He is an amazing man and I don't want anyone thinking otherwise. I hope to tell her one of these days so that she can prevent it from entering her life. Something that she said I really liked. She told me that sometimes we have to go through trials not to make us better people but to somehow help our children. This trial is definitely making me better as well as strengthening my marriage. Because of this trial I have really started to pay attention to the world around me. I am doing my best to protect my kids from Satan's grasp. There is so much I can control that I have not been controlling. Television viewing has decreased significantly in our home. Commercials and sitcoms are filled with subtle inuendos and trashy scenes, degrading women and families. We are also very cautious to what our kids wear. We want to teach them modestly from the beginning. Satan is grabbing hold of families without us even knowing it. Be aware of the world around you and start controlling what you allow and don't allow in your home. Make sure it is a safe haven for your precious family. Small inuendos and immodesty can evenutally lead to bigger problems that could have been avoided.

Counseling

So today we went to couples counseling. It was... interesting? Let's me honest I wasn't super thrilled about how it went. The couselor is super great don't get me wrong but I felt like it stirred up all the emotions that I thought were behind me. Maybe they're not behind me? Or maybe they really were just rekindled. Either way not super enjoyable but hoping it will be good in the end. I realized tonight that something that is super frustrating to me is that my husband will rid this of life (halleluah) but how do I truly overcome my hurt? I have forgiven him but I am still hurt. Ugh I once again feel lost and confused. I wish someone would just tell me what to do but it's not happening any time soon. Somthing the hubs and I talked about tonight was that this might just be something that I have to overcome on my own with my Heavenly Father's help. This is a hard realization for me because I like immediate fixes. I have felt like there is so much help for men dealing with pornography related issues (thank goodness) but very little for the spouses. Society has shunned the topic of pornography but the truth is that it is far more spread than any of us can even imagine. How sickeninig to know that it is a billion dollar industry. I hope one day that I will be brave enough to share my story and be a strength to those dealing with it. I also hope that more talk and awareness will evolve so that this addiction can be avoided all together.