The Simple Secret is This...

"...Put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him.” This is what Joseph B. Wirthlin says in a talk called Come What May and Love it. I recall bits and pieces from this talk a few years ago but someone in the 12 step group I go to last week mentioned a part in this talk that I think it so important for everyone and something that I did not remember hearing. After reading through the entire talk I feel that it is a great source for each one of us in every aspect of life. I would strongly reccommend reading through it. He says so many things that I have felt or tried to convey in my life but of course he does a bagillion times better. I am truly grateful for inspired leaders of this wonderful church who can teach us and lead us through word and example.
The part of this talk that I want to focus on is what he calls the principle of compensation. I have never remembered learning this and when I heard it was relieved honestly and it helped me understand life just a little more. I have a testimony of this principle and have seen it in my life just the way he explains it.

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

Isn't this amazing? As you read through his entire talk you read that everyone will experience loss and disappointment but that through faith we will be returned rejoicing a hundredfold!! What a promise. I have seen this so strongly in my life within the last 8 months. By going through the hardest trial so far in my life (learning of my husbands pornography addiction) we have been blessed more than a hundredfold. I have been in the deepest darkest hole I have ever experienced and as I have had faith, trusted in my Heavenly Father, and continued to keep truckin' I have been enormously blessed. One of the biggest, tanglible blessings if you will, is that my husband has been given 2 'dream' job offers. Never in a million years did we think we would get one of these let alone 2 at the same time. We have seen Heavenly Fathers hand in our life as we have been in tune with the Spirit to make simple decisions which have led up to these offers. We have done things that our brains may have asked why but our hearts told us to proceed. Another example is that since this trial I have been able to find another purpose in life. Most importantly I am a mom and wife, which I believe is the greatest job any woman can ever do, but I now feel as though I am helping many women whose shoes I have and am in. I enjoy sharing my testimony of this gospel and the blessing that it is in my own life. I love meeting with my 12 step group and learning from amazing women. We have been blessed in other ways as well but I am not going to ramble on and on.

I know that the principle of compensation is real and true. If you are still in the thick of despair, know that these blessings will come. You will be compensated and blessed a hundredfold, yes A HUNDREDFOLD for your faith and endurance. Please read this talk in it's entirety. It is not too long and will give you the hope that you may be needing today.

Group... Again

I finally got my rear in gear and made it back to my 12 step group. Man I forgot how much I seriously love those women! They are amazing! Go to a group if you don't already. There were a few different 'take home messages' if you will that I wanted to talk about. I will probably only go into one right now so here it is. I was impressed by how many women are doing so well. So many of them are healing. They are happy again. They have hope! They have turned to their Father in Heaven for help. They have learned that even though this is their husbands addiction they are deeply affected by it. They have realized that they have to recover from this problem that they had absolutely no part in. They are focusing on their own healing. So if you haven't found your healing and recovery you are probably wondering 'how are these women doing it?' How do I become happy again? Well, here is what has worked for me and what I heard from other women last night that has worked for them. First of all the LDS 12 step addiction recovery program has played a tremendous role in many of our recoveries as loved ones. Letting go of co-depency is another absolute must to happiness! You cannot base your emotions on how your husband is doing. You have to heal your heart regardless of your husbands sobriety or relapse. I know, sounds impossible!! When I was finally able to do this I was happy. It was so much easier to not worry about his every waking move. If he relapsed, it was sad and hard but I was ok. I had learned that his relapse wasn't a result of me. I have learned that we are both on a journey but our journey's are a separate adventure. He must heal himself and I must heal myself. The women that I saw and listened to last night are truly happy again. We are all still learning and growing (that's the point of life afterall) but we are ok again. We have learned not to base our emotions on our husbands progress. Rely on your Heavenly Father. He will provide you with strength and endurance. He will give you answers and inspiration when you are doing what is right. I am living proof that you can go from horror and shock, to misery and pain beyond imagine, and end with healing and happiness. Crazy but true! Do everything you can to heal yourself. You need to heal. Put yourself first and make this a priority. Don't shove it under the rug, it ain't goin' anywhere. I witnessed multiple women last night who are healing and happy. I promise you can do this and I want so badly for you to do it. Trust Heavenly Father and use Jesus Christ's Atonement in your healing process. You can do this and you need to do this. Become happy again, it's awesome!

Gratitude

Tonight at my addiction recovery meeting we discussed step 2 which is Hope. Heavenly Father provides tender mercies to us to show us how much He cares and is watching over us. Listening and chatting with the sisters afterwards I realized how grateful I truly am for my life. I have a great life. I and my family are healthy. We have a home to live in. My husband has a job, a minimum wage job, but a job nonetheless. We have the Gospel. We have testimonies of Heavenly Fathers love for us. We are truly blessed and watched over. We have trials, yes but we are happy and moving forward with our life. A sister tonight gave a great analogy. She said that we are like sailboats, to move forward in the right direction we must have a little wind pushing us. I loved that. Sometimes we may feel as though it is a hurricane pushing us but keep enduring. Keep fighting. Keep loving and trusting. Heavenly Father is aware of you. He will send you tender mercies to give you hope and strength. He loves you. I know He loves me. I love my Heavenly Father and truly thank Him for providing for my needs and wants even during my hurricane winds of my husbands pornography addiction.

Obligation

Have I mentioned that I love my LDS 12 step addiction recovery group? haha I do! Tonight at the very end of the meeting the sister missionary running the group shared a very powerful message. She talked about how she told her teenage grandkids that she knows what pornography is. She does not view it but she knows what it is and if they have been exposed to it she can help. Their parents can help. It is ok. Their parents and her (Grandma) are there for them. I was so impressed by this. Her teenage grandkids were so embarrassed initally but it quickly led to open conversation. These kids do not like what is being thrown at them. Drugs, alcohol, pornography, etc. Life is out of control and we as strong LDS women need to be there for these children. We need to show them how aware we are of these issues and explain that we are here to help and guide. We will not get mad. We will love them and guide them back onto the correct path. I am inspired by this sister missionary to be an example and advocate against pornography. I thank the sister missionary who bore her testimony and is an example against this horrific plague. What blessed grandkids to have her as a grandmother. I hope to be this type of woman to my husband, children, friends, and someday future generations. What an inspiration!

Group

Ok seriously I LOVE group!! haha That is so ridiculous but true. I have met such amazing women and I feel like we are such great friends now. After the meeting a bunch of us just sat and chatted. I loved it! I want to hang out with them more often because they are so inspiring. I encourage you all if you do not already attend an LDS addiction recovery group to find one and go. It's so uplifting and spiritual.
I feel so blessed lately and know that Heavenly Father is watching over me and my family. Life can get so crazy and out of control but if we keep going and persevere we will be blessed. Who knows when, but we will. Sometimes it seems so unfair what we may have to endure but everyone in this life is dealt a different hand and everyone deals with tribulation. Even the prophet and apostles of the Church deal with tribulation. No one is exempt unfortunately. Overcoming pornography addiction is DIFFICULT to say the least. It is exhausting, stressful, and burdensome. Hours are spent crying, hating, wondering "why me?" and eventually forgiving. Our loved ones with the addiction experience similar emotions. This is DIFFICULT beyond belief for them. They are embarassed and ashamed for what has become of their life. They want so badly not to hurt us (the wives/loved ones) but they are addicted. They are good men with good hearts. They are! But this is a horribly addicting addiction that requires a lot to overcome. Take care of yourself and your family. Support your husband for his efforts in overcoming this. He is still a good man and he never knew how badly he would hurt you with this addiction. We are amazing women to deal with such an embarassing addiction but we can do it. We can become better. It takes time. It takes effort and it's not always going to be comfortable. Keep fighting. Heavenly Father is watching over you and you will be blessed abundantly whether it is in this life or the next. Be proud of the beautiful and amazing woman that you are! Because you are!

Amazing Women

WOW!! Going to the LDS Addiction Recovery meetings is inspiring to say the least. I have found amazing women who are leading great lives regardless of their sometimes bleak situations. I am continually impressed each week at what these women endure each day yet they are happy. They are relying on Heavenly Father. Trusting Him and turning to Him in their moments of greatest weakness. Heavenly Father is ready, willing and wanting to help us. He will support us in our times of need. I watch these women love their spouses, raise righteous children, and live wonderful lives. No one would ever know the turmoil in their hearts. No one would ever know they cry into their pillows hoping their kids and husband don't hear. No one knows their hurt and pain. This addiction that we did nothing to do to bring into our lives is overcomable. As we turn to our Heavenly Father and put our full trust and faith in Him we will heal. We will be happy again. The Atonement is for you and for me. Jesus Christ suffered for each moment of our sorrow. He knows how you feel and He will comfort you in your time of need. I see it in these women I meet with each week. I am inspired by them. I love and appreciate them. I have become friends with them. I personally have turned to my Heavenly Father because I learned real fast that I could not do it on my own. My marriage is getting stronger. My testimony is growing. I am happier. All these things amist great sorrow and turmoil. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love each one of us. Trial is part of this life but we can learn from it and become better because of it. The women in my addiction recovery class are proof!

Step 2

Tonight was such a great addiction recovery meeting. So many shared great insight. My insight was this. I am truly grateful for the gospel. I am so grateful for my testimony to help me overcome this trial. What a blessing the Atonement is and the fact that I can use it is so empowering to me. My heart aches for the women and men enduring this plague without the gospel. We should be truly grateful for what we have and USE what we have. Use the Atonement, rely on your Heavenly Father, give Him your burden, He will and does watch over and bless you. Another thought I had was shared this evening from our hometeachers. They talked about President Uchtdorfs talk about airplane turbulence and how young pilots want to speed the plane up in order to get out of it. However, it is a better option to slow the plane down. I have found through this trial I want to speed up and rid this from my life. However, what am I learning and who can I help because of this? These are things I want to work on for myself. Helping others, learning from others, becoming better. I hope these thoughts will help you. I have been so touched by the women I have met through addiction recovery meetings, blogging, and other forums. What amazing people they are. Life is hard but they are managing. They are healing. The Lord is blessing them. Look for the tender mercies in your life. They are more abundant than you would think. "Count your many blessings, name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord has done."

Step 1

Step 1 is honesty. Basically admitting that you cannot do this alone and that you need God's help. Thinking about honesty in all aspects of life is actually interesting to me. For some reason society has been instilled with the idea that being honest is hard and embarrassing. However, how many times have you found yourself avoiding the truth and then when you finally admit the truth you feel so much better and it can finally get resolved? Honesty in every aspect of life is so important but especially when recovering from an addiction. It is so important to be honest with ourselves and our loved one. Honesty can hurt sometimes but I have found that it is so much better because what was hidden can now start to be solved. God knows exactly what we are feeling and what we are doing regardless if we tell Him or not. Wouldn't it be so much better to just be honest and admit our true feelings and actions? He wants to help us and He will when we are honest about our feelings and actions. I personally stew for a long time before I admit how I am feeling. It typically ends in a large meltdown. This meltdown could be so avoidable if I would just admit my feelings in the moment and resolve them with myself or whomever it involves. This is something I personally am going to work on. No more meltdowns! haha maybe, atleast I am going to do my best. May we all be a little more honest with ourselves, our emotions and our actions. It really is happier and easier to live life that way.

Service

Step number 12 in the addiction recovery program is Service. I have always enjoyed providing service to others because it really does make you feel better when you give to others. I have found even more meaning to service in the last few months. I have had many serve me with kind words, encouragement, and pure listening to which I am very grateful! I have found that through sharing my trial and "story" with a select few I have really been able to have an impact on their life and what they are dealing with. I have been able to show my neighbor that we are not the "perfect mormon family" next door. We are happy and love life and each other, however we are enduring great adversity right now. I think it was very eye opening to her to realize that we all are given trials yet we can still be happy while overcoming them. I also was able to encourage my mom to get counseling herself. She experienced a very traumatic event finding my brother nearly dead in her kitchen years ago. She needs counselling but is unwilling. Since I have now attended my own therapy I was able to explain to her how helpful it can be. I feel blessed to be an example to others even if their trial isn't necessarily pornography. I also very much appreciate the example of women I know who are living wonderful lives amidst the trial that has been put into their lives. Wife J I know very well and she continues to amaze me, seriously. I wish you could all know her personally. She, her husband, and family are amazing people and do so much good for others. I owe a lot to her for her example to me. I have a strong testimony of service and the good it can provide to you in your life as well and the good it provides to others. In times of heartache I find it even more rewarding and hope we can all improve on serving those around us. Whether it is a smile, a hello, sharing your story, or a thoughtful note it will be recognized and very much appreciated.

12 Step

Man, life is busy huh? Wowee! Anyways the hubs and I finally got ourselves to the LDS 12 step addiction recovery meetings. It went better than I expected. The hubs enjoyed it as well. But back to me :). So I went and it was very interesting and touching to hear from other women dealing with this. I was impressed at what some of these women have endured. It felt good to go and share my testimony of how aware Heavenly Father is of us. He loves us and is blessing us even when we feel lost and alone. My husband and I have had to completely turn to the Lord and put our complete trust in Him. It is hard but also so comforting at the same time. I know that our life will go the direction it is suppose to as long as we continue to do our best and trust in our Heavenly Father. I would highly encourage the LDS recovery meetings. I was nervous to go but made instant friends. It is definitely a place I never wanted or thought I would be but it was good. Finding resources and others for support, as mentioned in previous posts, has been super beneficial in my recovery. I feel like a stronger women and have a stronger marriage from a trial that I thought 3 months ago would ruin my life and family. I am proud of the strength I have gained and hope that I can pass it on.