Never ending

This scares me. I fear relapse so badly. How will I respond? Will we have to start all over? Will everything have been in vain? I want a "quick fix" so badly but it's just not an option. We are doing incredibly well right now. No viewing since the day he told me :). I am proud of him. He has been so tempted these last few days and told me that this is typically when he would fall back into viewing. (Life is stressful for us right now). He has stayed strong even when it takes everything he possibly has to avoid it. I love him and respect him so much for this. When I read stories of relapse time after time I hurt. How does this addiction truly become rid from ones life? Right now I think we are on the right track and we are, but whose to say we won't be derailed in a year or 5 years from now? I guess what I need to do is live in the now. I cannot dread the future. All I can do is be proud of him today because today was a good day. If you have any insight on this matter I would greatly appreciate it.

Confession

So every week my hubs and I sit down and go over the previous week. He tells me whether he viewed pornography and/or masturbated at all. Of course you know what I want to hear. I am happy to report that he has not viewed pornography since a few weeks before he told me about this whole problem. Yahoo!! He has had a harder time abstaining from masturbation. He is trying so hard and I am proud of him and know that it is very difficult. I have been trying so hard to be more intimate with him as well not going to bed before him to avoid alone time. He admits that these things help. These are two things that I am honestly trying so hard to improve on. (I have always struggled with intimacy and I like my sleep to say the least). This week he unfortunately masturbated in a weak moment and confessed it to me later in the evening. I didn't know how to react. I was mad at him but at the same time I didn't want him to not tell me in the future so I tried to keep it together. It was rough for both of us. The hardest part about it is not the actual act. I mean I don't like it but it's the emotional pain that really gets me. It is the fact that I am trying SO hard to prevent it and in return nada. I know I can't cure this but it was kind of a slap in the face. I also hate the fact that I have absolutely NO idea I mean NO IDEA that it even happens until he tells me. Same with the first 3 years of our marriage. No stinkin idea! It makes me feel pretty foolish. As if I don't even know him. This is a process and unfortunately it takes time. I am grateful that he is being honest with me and I want to keep it that way. May this week be better than last. :)