Happy Easter

Today we had some fun Easter madness. Neighborhood Easter egg hunts, city Easter egg hunts, and then of course turning ourselves into the Easter bunny and scattering eggs about the house. It has been a fun filled day. Easter candy is my personal favorite candy all year! Tomorrow in church I am teaching and obviously the lesson is about the first Easter. About Jesus Christ's ressurection. As I read through the lesson it dawned on me about how important this holiday is. Usually (sadly) I don't think much about it. When in reality it is so truly important for us to remember. What a blessing the knowledge of the ressurrection is to us.
Our Savior Jesus Christ died for us. For you. For me. For our husbands. He has felt every pain for us, whether it be for our sin or for our heartache. I know that Easter is more for focusing on the ressurrection but tonight I have focused on the Atonement. The knowledge I have that Jesus Christ died for us. That He died for my husbands sin's. He died for my sins, and more importantly for me right now, He felt the hearthache that I feel through this trial. Jesus Christ knows exactly how I feel. The Atonement is not only for the purpose of forgiveness. I have felt Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ through this trial. I have had tender mercies, prayers answers, and yes even miracles during what has been one of the hardest years of my life. I have been able to rely on my Heavenly Father, trusting in Him, leaning on Him. I have prayed for help and strength. Begged and pleaded at times for the things I thought I needed. He has never left me. He has provided for me in more ways than I asked. I know Jesus Christ has felt your pain. He has felt mine and he knows ever so well our husbands pain. The Atonement is real and I know it. I hope that you know it too and if you don't, seek it out. This Easter weekend remember Him. Remember Jesus Christ and what He has done and does for us. He loves us and wants us to be happy. We can lean on Him in times of trial or happiness. This I do know and hope that you can too. Happy Easter! 

Ask and Tell

I have always been taught and I believe that Heavenly Father knows what I want and need. We need to express what we want and need in order to get it from Him however. Heavenly Father knows us so well. He knows our hearts. He knows our deepest desires, pains, and fears. He loves us more than any of us can comprehend. I have always been taught to ask Heavenly Father through prayer for what I want and need. I was recently taught that telling Heavenly Father what we want and need is perfectly acceptable as well. This was a strange concept for me. I always did the, 'Well I'd like this, but whatever your will is would be great too,' kinda thing. Sound familiar? Anyways after hearing that I can tell Heavenly Father what I want and need I decided to give it a try. Let me tell you, it was hard. I remember my husbanda and I telling Heavenly Father what job we wanted and for us to get it. It felt strange and kind of awkward really. But we kept at it. With certain aspects in my life that I really do want and that I feel are incredibly important. I have to say that I love it now. I feel closer to Heavenly Father. I tell him what I truly need not just what I would like to happen. I know Heavenly Father can do anything. I have seen miracles in my life, small tender mercies that remind me that Heavenly Father is aware of me and that He loves me. Telling my Heavenly Father what I need rather than whatever His will is has been so eye opening to me. Of course just because we tell Him what we want/need does not mean in any way that it will happen in the time or way we expect. I encourage you, if you don't already, to try it. Tell Him when you need help. Tell Him when you need a friend, an answer, comfort, anything. Whatever it may be, tell Him. I love my Heavenly Father and know that is He is there. He loves and knows us individually. He will provide what you need in just the right moment. What a blessing it is to be able to communicate with our loving Father in Heaven. I know I personally would be very lost without it.

Suffering

"Many of you suffer needlessly from carrying heavy burdens because you do not open your hearts to the healing power of the Lord... Lay the burden at the feet of the Savior. He has invited you to do that so that you can be free from pointless worry and depression." - Richard G. Scott

Isn't this the truth in every aspect of life? So many times we worry about every little thing. If we turn our burdens over to the Lord we can be free from pointless worry and depression. That is quite the promise if you ask me. David A. Bednar said,

"No one understands. No one knows. No human being, perhaps, knows. But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He felt and bore our burdens before we ever did."



I think we all tend to forget this from time to time. Christ has felt our exact pain for us. He knows the burden we are carrying and he will take it from us. We can give Him any burden large or small. He will never leave us and may we always remember to never leave Him.

"Lay the burden at the feet of the Savior. He has invited you to do that..."



I am Human

In case you read this blog and think, "Geez Wife A is always encouraging and sharing uplifting messages," I will now show you that this is not always true. Maybe you don't think that haha but I do really try to share uplifting messages that can help us all in our sometimes not so wonderful moments.
For the last few days I have just been down in the dumps. There really is no reason or anything big behind it. Just little things that over time build up and evenutally catapult out of my body. I have been sad, frustrated, and annoyed. Small things will make me want to cry, I'm not a cryer. It's like pregnancy hormones without the being pregnant part ;). Last night as I was once again crying to my husband about quite insignificant things he was trying to reassure me. Encourage and boost my self esteem. Then he said something to the effect of, "In reality this is probably Satan working on you. Trying to make you feel insignificant and worthless." I fully believe that and even know that yet somehow it is still hard to 'just be better'. Satan really is a bugger! He knows how to push our buttons better than anyone in this world. (And that's sayin something). I know that the things I am doing right now are right. I know that Heavenly Father is watching over me and is proud of the person I am. I like the person that I am. I am grateful to be a wife, mom, and friend but sometimes it is just so overwhelming. Sometimes there are too many people to worry about. My house is never going to be clean, I mean really, never. I'm not going to get thanked for everything I do, big or small. I am not going to get an award everytime I make a meal for someone or watch their kids. Dirty diapers and wet underwear are going to continue. Hardships in extended family members are going to keep coming through the years. And big decisions are going to have to be made. I am however going to be blessed by my Heavenly Father. I am going to be provided for. I can be in tune to know what I need to be doing and who I can be helping. I am going to help someone in need whether they verbally say thank you or not. I do get to stay home with my kids, which is very difficult at times, but something that I am most grateful for in this life. Occasionally my sink will have no dirty dishes in it and the floors will be crumbless, well maybe for 30 seconds. Maybe there will be one day, or one hour, of no toddler fit throwing. I guess what I am getting at is that I know life is overwhelming. I know it is difficult and I know that Satan is a nasty conniving little bugger that sometimes I really don't like. Through all of this I know that it will be ok. I can be sad and frustrated but I have to remember that life is good. I am more than blessed. I have everything I need and a lot of things I want. I trust in my Heavenly Father and I do ask him to guide me to people who need me. Therefore I should 'listen and obey' as I tell my kids and do what my Heavenly Father is asking. Life is a roller coaster of that I do know. May I cast Satans thoughts out of my head and remember what a truly blessed life I live.

The Simple Secret is This...

"...Put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him.” This is what Joseph B. Wirthlin says in a talk called Come What May and Love it. I recall bits and pieces from this talk a few years ago but someone in the 12 step group I go to last week mentioned a part in this talk that I think it so important for everyone and something that I did not remember hearing. After reading through the entire talk I feel that it is a great source for each one of us in every aspect of life. I would strongly reccommend reading through it. He says so many things that I have felt or tried to convey in my life but of course he does a bagillion times better. I am truly grateful for inspired leaders of this wonderful church who can teach us and lead us through word and example.
The part of this talk that I want to focus on is what he calls the principle of compensation. I have never remembered learning this and when I heard it was relieved honestly and it helped me understand life just a little more. I have a testimony of this principle and have seen it in my life just the way he explains it.

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

Isn't this amazing? As you read through his entire talk you read that everyone will experience loss and disappointment but that through faith we will be returned rejoicing a hundredfold!! What a promise. I have seen this so strongly in my life within the last 8 months. By going through the hardest trial so far in my life (learning of my husbands pornography addiction) we have been blessed more than a hundredfold. I have been in the deepest darkest hole I have ever experienced and as I have had faith, trusted in my Heavenly Father, and continued to keep truckin' I have been enormously blessed. One of the biggest, tanglible blessings if you will, is that my husband has been given 2 'dream' job offers. Never in a million years did we think we would get one of these let alone 2 at the same time. We have seen Heavenly Fathers hand in our life as we have been in tune with the Spirit to make simple decisions which have led up to these offers. We have done things that our brains may have asked why but our hearts told us to proceed. Another example is that since this trial I have been able to find another purpose in life. Most importantly I am a mom and wife, which I believe is the greatest job any woman can ever do, but I now feel as though I am helping many women whose shoes I have and am in. I enjoy sharing my testimony of this gospel and the blessing that it is in my own life. I love meeting with my 12 step group and learning from amazing women. We have been blessed in other ways as well but I am not going to ramble on and on.

I know that the principle of compensation is real and true. If you are still in the thick of despair, know that these blessings will come. You will be compensated and blessed a hundredfold, yes A HUNDREDFOLD for your faith and endurance. Please read this talk in it's entirety. It is not too long and will give you the hope that you may be needing today.

Forget Me Not

So today I had a very uplifting day at church. Sadly these are few and far between for me. I struggle with the ward I am in and am trying to remove my annoyed feelings that get in the way of me learning from what is being taught. First, in Sacrament the topic was prayer. I have an unbelievably strong testimony of prayer and rely on it heavily in my life. The speaker talked about 2 things that I liked and will briefly share. She said, "Heavenly Father hears every prayer and answers every prayer." He doesn't have a silent button like our phones and He always answers them just not always in the time or way we hoped or planned on. I can truly testify that both of these statements are true and I hope that you rely on prayer as much as I do. It is truly a blessing. The next inspiring moment I had today was in Relief Society. We discussed the talk by President Dieter F. Uchdorf titled Forget Me Not. I am sure many of you remember this talk. I loved hearing it again today and hope that you will enjoy some of the things that I re-learned and will now share.
First, forget not to be patient with yourself. Something he say's in this I really like. He says, "Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself." He continues on, "... these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him. If you consider success to be only the most perfect rose or dazzling orchid, you may miss some of life's sweetest experiences." We need to realize that we are not perfect (don't worry a whole post dedicated to this coming soon) and that we never will be in this life. God is also fully aware of this. President Uchdorf says, "It's wonderful that you have strengths. And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses." I know we all know this but I find it so much more powerful hearing it from an Apostle of God. We are here to learn and grow and to one day become perfect. That day is not today nor is it tomorrow.
Second, forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice. This one is just funny. He talks about how getting up with a sick child in the night is a good sacrfice whereas staying up all night to make the perfect hair bow for your daughters dress might be a foolish sacrifice. Let's be honest, I've totally done this and the next morning is not enjoyable. Each one of us is in a different situation and therefore good and foolish sacrifices may differ from person to person. President Uchdorf gives a question that can be asked to make sure we are choosing a good sarfice. "Am I committing my time and energies to the things that matter most?" There are so many good things for us to be doing but sometimes there are better options. This one really strikes home to be right now because we are in a place in our life that some crucial decisions will be made in the next year. We have a few good options and it is hard to decide what is the best option even when the best option may not seem to be what we were planning on or even want to do. We will trust in our Heavenly Father and ask exactly what President Uchdorf suggested, "Am I committing my time and energies to the things that matter most?"
Third, forget not to be happy now. This is a big one for me, and possibly for you as well. I find myself waaay too often in life looking ahead. Well, when we're just out of school. Once we have a job. Once we are out of debt. Once my babies are no longer babies (I like toddlers more than babies ;). Once this addiction is not consuming my every thought. And the lists go on. This is something I have to consciously work on. So many happy things happen each day. I need to recognize them and enjoy them. If you really think about it, the list will get quite out of control and thats a good thing! I have a husband who provides for us. He is trying his best to overcome an addiction. He loves me and my children. I have healthy children (that are stinkin' cute might I add). I get to stay home and be a mom to them, such a blessing (sometimes in disguise). I have food on my table. I have a home and a car. I have the gospel of Jesus Christ and I have a firm testimony that carries me through the good and bad times. And the list definitely goes on.
Fourth, forget not the "why" of the gospel. President Uchdorf explains that sometimes we look at the gospel as a long list of things to do. Something that we have to fit into our busy schedules. He says, "We focus on what the Lord wants us to do and how we might do it, but we sometimes forget why." The gospel is not an obligation but a pathway to happiness. We need to know the what and how of the gospel but as we understand the why we will realize the joy and delight that comes from living the gospel. Watch this Mormon Message before continuing to read. This is an amazing story for many reasons but I want to tie it into the gospel as a blessing. This boy said that it felt harder to be pulling or pushing Dayton during the race but how great it was for him to have his friend along side him. At the end when he felt all his strength was gone Dayton started smiling and the boy was able to sprint to the finish. I think this can relate to the fact that sometimes the gospel may feel harder to pull along (seriously I know, sometimes I wonder why I bring noisy kids to church, etc.) But the gospel is our friend cheering us on. Making it so that we can sprint to the finish. What a blessing the gospel is in our lives. It's not a burden but a true priviledge to have such knowledge. And don't you just hope your child is as awesome as this young man? I certainly do!
Fifth, forget not that the Lord loves you. Basically you need to read what he says because it is powerful. We are not forgotten. No matter how miserable life is or how we may feel about our life and our circumstances Heavenly Father is aware. He loves us. He cares about us. He wants us to rely on Him and His gospel.
I hope that this message will touch you as it did me. So many important things to remember. These are just my thoughts on the things President Uchdorf talked about but here is a link to the full talk. I hope you will read, listen to the spirit, and choose something to work on this week to make yourself even better than the amazing person that you are.

Trials AND Triumphs

Do you ever feel that when life is going too good that something bad is lurking around the corner? Or vice versa? I know I sure do! I have had small moments of this in my life that as I look back really were pretty insignificant. When this pornography issue came to light my world came crashing down. I mean everything literally exploded into smitherenes (totally don't know how to spell that). Unfortunately you probably can relate. Not only did I now know that my husband suffered from a pornography addiction we were jobless and in significant debt (thankfully not because of his addiction but school loans). I literally felt as thought NOTHING was going for us. We decided that we had to change things to show Heavenly Father how much we truly needed him. We made scriptures and prayer a mandatory event every day as a family. We prayed more earnestly than we ever had putting our total faith and trust in our Heavenly Father. We did the small things that are hard for me to blog about but that I know showed our Heavenly Father how much we truly needed Him. I am a living example and witness that trials and triumphs come hand in hand. Small things started to happen in our lives showing us that Heavenly Father was truly aware of us. Someone door bell ditched us money and my husbands favorite food. Our 3 year old was memorizing scriptures faster than we were. My husband found a part time job. Many small things kept happening to us reminding me that Heavenly Father was watching over me and my little family. And then the kicker. I literally felt my Saviors love and hand in my life more than I can explain or have ever experienced in my life. It is almost bringing tears to my eyes remembering this day.
I was laying on the couch when my husband popped in the house after work, told our little girl to come outside, and she shortly thereafter walked in the house with flowers in her hand. she brought them to me and said, "Daddy got a job." I was so confused. "What? Daddy got a job?" My husband looked at me and shook his head. We had gotten my husband's dream job. In our number 1 choice location. We hugged and cried and laughed and hugged some more. I have never felt so strongly in my life that Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways. We had been through the hardest months of my entire life and through persistence, and I mean persistence, we were provided with our greatest desire.
I have a strong testimony and love for my Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ. I have felt Their love in my worst and best moments of life. Trials and Triumphs are definitely part of this life, boy can I testify of that. Heavenly Father is watching over you. Keep perservering. Keep doing all that you can and showing your Heavenly Father how much you trust in His plan. Good things really do come to those who wait (and perservere might I add). Keep fighting!

My Testimony

I have never felt Heavenly Father's hand so powerfully in my life as I do right now. I have always known that Heavenly Father loves me and will provide for me but this past week I have actually seen his hand in my life. My husband and I have been trusting Heavenly Father more than ever before. We have gotten to the point in life where we have done everything humanly possible and we're relying on Heavenly Father to do the rest. It is hard and scary to rely on Heavenly Father but at the same time relieving and comforting. Heavenly Father is all-powerful, all-knowing, and loves us more than we can comprehend. I hope that if you do not know this that you will gain a testimony of it. Even though Heavenly Father wants the very best for us he cannot provide a perfect smooth sailing life. Just like we cannot protect our children from scraping their knee or bonking their head even though they are our most precious asset in life. We love them but they have agency and we cannot protect them from every hard thing. (I know not the best analogy but go with it). My husband and I have strong testimonies and do strive to do our best. We have been very stressed with several things in life and decided that we must completely turn to the Lord and trust in Him. He will never leave us. After months of heartache and pain our prayers were answered. We have been blessed with more than we could have imagined. Our trials are not over but Heavenly Father has shown us His hand. He has showed us that He will provide the way. He has showed us that our faith and trust in Him is real. I know Heavenly Father is real. I love Him. I trust Him. I rely on Him. I hope you know these things as well. I hope you rely on Him as strongly as I do. If you don't, please try. Do everything you can to follow Him. Obey His commandments. Serve Him. You do not and will not be perfect, I most certainly am not. You don't have to be. Heavenly Father knows your heart. He knows you are doing your very best. He will provide for you. It may not be today, it may not be this week, and it may not be this year. But one of these days, through your suffering and heartache, you will see His hand. You will feel His love. You will know He is real. I blog this post because I know it is true. I know it is real and I want so badly for you to know it is real and true. Heavenly Father loves you. He loves your husband. He hurts to see you cry and ache but He knows it is for your good and that you will become better because of this. Give Heavenly Father your trust, He will never let you down. I promise you that.

Amazing Women

WOW!! Going to the LDS Addiction Recovery meetings is inspiring to say the least. I have found amazing women who are leading great lives regardless of their sometimes bleak situations. I am continually impressed each week at what these women endure each day yet they are happy. They are relying on Heavenly Father. Trusting Him and turning to Him in their moments of greatest weakness. Heavenly Father is ready, willing and wanting to help us. He will support us in our times of need. I watch these women love their spouses, raise righteous children, and live wonderful lives. No one would ever know the turmoil in their hearts. No one would ever know they cry into their pillows hoping their kids and husband don't hear. No one knows their hurt and pain. This addiction that we did nothing to do to bring into our lives is overcomable. As we turn to our Heavenly Father and put our full trust and faith in Him we will heal. We will be happy again. The Atonement is for you and for me. Jesus Christ suffered for each moment of our sorrow. He knows how you feel and He will comfort you in your time of need. I see it in these women I meet with each week. I am inspired by them. I love and appreciate them. I have become friends with them. I personally have turned to my Heavenly Father because I learned real fast that I could not do it on my own. My marriage is getting stronger. My testimony is growing. I am happier. All these things amist great sorrow and turmoil. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love each one of us. Trial is part of this life but we can learn from it and become better because of it. The women in my addiction recovery class are proof!

Step 2

Tonight was such a great addiction recovery meeting. So many shared great insight. My insight was this. I am truly grateful for the gospel. I am so grateful for my testimony to help me overcome this trial. What a blessing the Atonement is and the fact that I can use it is so empowering to me. My heart aches for the women and men enduring this plague without the gospel. We should be truly grateful for what we have and USE what we have. Use the Atonement, rely on your Heavenly Father, give Him your burden, He will and does watch over and bless you. Another thought I had was shared this evening from our hometeachers. They talked about President Uchtdorfs talk about airplane turbulence and how young pilots want to speed the plane up in order to get out of it. However, it is a better option to slow the plane down. I have found through this trial I want to speed up and rid this from my life. However, what am I learning and who can I help because of this? These are things I want to work on for myself. Helping others, learning from others, becoming better. I hope these thoughts will help you. I have been so touched by the women I have met through addiction recovery meetings, blogging, and other forums. What amazing people they are. Life is hard but they are managing. They are healing. The Lord is blessing them. Look for the tender mercies in your life. They are more abundant than you would think. "Count your many blessings, name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord has done."

12 Step

Man, life is busy huh? Wowee! Anyways the hubs and I finally got ourselves to the LDS 12 step addiction recovery meetings. It went better than I expected. The hubs enjoyed it as well. But back to me :). So I went and it was very interesting and touching to hear from other women dealing with this. I was impressed at what some of these women have endured. It felt good to go and share my testimony of how aware Heavenly Father is of us. He loves us and is blessing us even when we feel lost and alone. My husband and I have had to completely turn to the Lord and put our complete trust in Him. It is hard but also so comforting at the same time. I know that our life will go the direction it is suppose to as long as we continue to do our best and trust in our Heavenly Father. I would highly encourage the LDS recovery meetings. I was nervous to go but made instant friends. It is definitely a place I never wanted or thought I would be but it was good. Finding resources and others for support, as mentioned in previous posts, has been super beneficial in my recovery. I feel like a stronger women and have a stronger marriage from a trial that I thought 3 months ago would ruin my life and family. I am proud of the strength I have gained and hope that I can pass it on.

Scripture Power

Tonight during family scripture study, one kid screaming another laughing, I actually found something helpful. In Alma 5:6-12 it talks about the hell they are going through and how they persisted. How did they persist? They had a change of heart. It really hit home for me. I don't feel like I am currently in hell but I did at the beginning and what saved me was my determination to make this work. I believe so strongly that we are given trials to learn, grow, and help others. Trials are not fun. A husbands pornography addiction is REALLY not fun, but we can do it. We are strong. We have good husbands who have a horrible addiction. Heavenly Father still loves them and He loves us. If Jesus Christ was here today, he would not shun or judge our husbands. He would love them, support them through recovery, and protect them. I want to be Christlike and do the same. It is not easy but it is worth it. Being put through this "hell" has made me realize how much I do truly love my husband. I want him to recover and heal. I want us to recover and heal. I am grateful for the inspired scriptures. I am grateful that tonight through my kids madness I was able to feel the spirit and remember that GOOD men and women were tried thousands of years ago and are still tried today. We can do this! Our husbands can overcome. We can be happy again. I hope that you will read Alma 5 and be inspired like I was tonight. I am truly grateful for the scriptures and my testimony in such a time of need.