Rescue

Today was ward conference for us so the stake president spoke to all the men and women during the third hour. He spoke on a variety of things but I wanted to share an excellent story that he conveyed to us today. He spoke of a woman who was in his office a while back who was ready to leave her husband after a long fight against pornography. He wasn't finding recovery. She had stuck by him but she was at her last wits end and was done (needless to say my attention had been caught). The woman continued telling my stake president how enthralled she would become when the news began covering natural disasters or other big issues. She would watch all day and night, waiting to see what would unfold. As she watched a story about miners stuck hundreds of feet below ground she was hooked. She watched for 3 days as loved ones held vigils above ground, crews worked tireously to rescue these trapped men. Finally as the men began to be pulled up something hit her. These men were covered in filth from head to toe. All you could see were their eyes. As one of the men was pulled up a woman ran through the crowd and grabbed her husband. She sobbed and wrapped her arms around him. She helped him to the gurney of fresh white linens to seek medical attention. She didn't care that he was covered in total filth. She had been waiting to see him alive for days and now that he was here she wasn't letting him go. As this woman watched this story on the news unfold she realized how similar it was to her. How filthy and trapped Her husband was. He needed rescuing. He needed someone to help him to the white covered linens. She was that person. She could help and support him. Someone had told her shortly thereafter what a good man her husband was, no idea of this addiction. She told that person that he was. People make mistakes, people have addictions. We can and need to forgive. We can stand by them and support them to the gurney. We can be like this woman and her husband. As my husband and I listened to this story (no one knowing about his addiction) he turned to me and said, "Thats a great story." I immediately knew I wanted to share it. I was happy that we could sit together and listen to a story about pornography recovery and after have my husband lean to me and say how much it meant to him. It's a strange thing to explain but it made me happy. I feel like we have come so far. I feel like I have stood by him in his darkest hour. When he was filthy and needing assistance. He has stood by me in many dark moments and supports me as well. Standing by them can be difficult at times but I thank my Heavenly Father that I was able to do so. I hope this story lifts your spirits like it did mine today! Happy Sabbath Day/Night ;).

Be the hero

So yesterday I went to a Scentsy convention where I was suppose to get all fired up about selling Scentsy and becoming filthy rich. Ha ha ha. I had a good time and did learn a few things but somehow my mind kept wandering to the topic of this blog. I guess my focus isn't 100% on selling Scentsy (but my house does smell good :) and more so on life and trials. So here was the message that I took home that I want to share with all of you. It was one short sentence but one that hit me. The speaker said don't be the victim of your life, be the hero. It's so simple yet true. So many times in my life I think; 'I can't do this, this is hard, I am not good at this, why me, why should I even try', and on and on and on. I am the type of person that likes to be automatically good at things, and that list is not overly long. I don't like putting much effort into things and when I am not good I usually quit. Really though. I played soccer from the age of 4 and quit at 14 when I didn't like the coach. I tried out for dance, tennis, basketball, and student body in high school all with no success. I didn't try out again. I have high self esteem and like the person that I am but I am a quitter. I don't like trying once I fail the first time. I make myself the victim instead of the hero. When I heard this sentence yesterday I thought how very true it is to become the victim of our husbands pornography addiction. We did NOTHING to cause this. We did NOTHING to deserve this. In some cases we even tried to do everything to avoid it. And still we are the ones who get to suffer and hurt from somebody else's actions. We are the ones who attend therapy and 12 step programs in hopes to heal our broken hearts. When you look at this situation it most definitely seems as though we are the victim. If we allow ourselves to be, we are. We can become the helpless sad victim who never mends her broken heart. Well, here's the good news. You don't have to be the victim, in fact you can be the exact opposite. You can be the hero! You can continue to attend therapy, communicate openly with your husband, attend 12 step meetings, cry/vent/sob/laugh/etc. whenever you need to. You can become whole again. Your heart can mend, it can become stronger. You can become stronger in the gospel, strenghten your marriage, even become the person you have always wanted to be from the results of a horrible addiction. Being the hero in this trying time is not easy. It's not fun or enjoyable but it is possible and it is worth it. I thank my Heavenly Father that for one of the first times in my life I did not allow myself to become the victim. I chose to nip this thing in the rear and figure it out. I feel like such a better person because of this trial. The communication skills I have developed with my husband were non-existant before this burden entered my life. I am grateful that I became the hero in my life. Don't be the victim in your life, be the hero!

Proud of Him

I was out of town for the day and wouldn't be returning home until evening. My husband decided to rent the most recent Pirates movie to pass the time until I got home. I had previously told him that I did not want us to rent the movie because I had seen it in theatres and thought it wasn't good. He thought I just didn't like the movie so he rented it while I was gone. As I called him on my way home and asked what he was doing he told me he got the movie. I expressed that I didn't want him to watch it. He asked why and I told him how the movie not only was dark and not uplifting but filled with mermaid (sirens) who were way more provocative than I felt comfortable with. He told me that he would turn it off no problem. I was and am proud of him. Proud of him for trusting and respecting my opinion. Proud of him for turning it off when he could have finished it without me knowing. Before I was informed of this addiction I sadly would have not had thought twice. How many movies have we allowed into our home even though they are filthy and vulgar? I am grateful for my awareness of this addiction because I am now trying harder to keep the media clean in our home, which is not an easy task these days. I am proud of my husband today and am grateful for his respect towards me and our home. He is doing his best to overcome this unwanted addiction and that is all I can ask.