No inspiration

Since I haven't had many insights of my own lately so I continue to post about others who do. Here is one I really like. I hope it helps you on your journey. http://familyprestige.blogspot.com/2012/05/what-i-wish-i-would-have-known.html

Amazing Post

I want to share a great post with you all. Hope you are touched just as I was. What an inspiring woman!
Click Here to read.

Worth 2 seconds of your time

Saw this posted on facebook. It took me literally 2 seconds to sign. Definitely worth my time :). Hope you will do the same!

Click here to sign the petition.

More ways to Help!

Hey the LDS Addiction Recovery Program is looking for stories. Head over to this link to read about it and send over any words of wisdom that you can. Thank you for helping this plague get fought!

Please Read

The producer of the Shamed movie has contacted me and would like me to get this information out to anyone who might be of help. Please read and respond if this is something that will work into your life and recovery process. If not, I (and the Shamed movie staff) understand. I am excited to see this movie come to pass. It is so very needed. Here's the info!

Hello,
My name is Jordan Harker. Jessica Mockett and I are producing a feature length documentary film entitled SHAMED which focuses on the debilitating effects of shame surrounding pornography use & addiction in conservative Christian communities. The intent of our film is to help people be supportive of those seeking recovery.  We want people to understand pornography addiction by learning to SPEAK openly, LISTEN compassionately and HEAL completely.  You can learn more about the film, the renowned experts and organizations who are on board, and read crew bios at out website:  shamedthemovie.com
We are reaching out to you for some much needed help.  We are currently searching for  individuals (pornography users, addicts, & loved ones of addicts) to share their experiences on-camera.  This is one of the most important aspect of the film for reaching and informing viewers who want to learn about porn and its harmful effects. We ask you to please help share the following information in a personal way through your outlets and networks (blogs, email subscriber lists, website, etc.).
Below is an over-all "wish list" of criteria that will aid us in creating a film that spotlights individuals from varied ethnicities, ages and Christian religions. Our goal is to have these subjects informed, contacted, and solidified by March 24 so that we can comfortably plan/pay for their travel and lodging preparations before our first in studio shoot at the end of April, 2012. 
If you know of anyone who meets the following criteria (or other friends/organizations that would be eager to help), we ask that you share this information with them and encourage them to contact us by the following email or phone number as soon as possible. 
share@shamedthemovie.com
801.709.9741
From their initial contact we will make further communication arrangements that are most appropriate, timely, and comfortable for the potential interviewee. 
We are looking for:
_________________

FEMALE ADDICTS
- female, 17-21 years old, any Christian faith, any ethnicity
- female, 30-35 years old, any Christian faith, non-white
- female, mid 20s, LDS (Mormon), non-white
MALE ADDICTS
- male, teenage boy, any ethnicity, any Christian faith
- male, mid 20s, non-religious/atheist
- male, Hispanic, Catholic, between 25-35 yrs
- male who really pushed the limits of their pornography/sex addiction
(prostitution, child porn, etc.) so as to best address the escalation process,
under 40 years and white, any Christian faith
PARENTS & TEEN PAIRING
- parent/s to appear with user/addict teen, any Christian faith
- 2 other sets of parent/s to appear without user/addict child (parents of
very young children…8-14 yrs), any Christian faith
SPOUSES
- 2-3 couples to appear together, under 35 yrs of age, one spouse is an
addict, any Christian faith, fairly new to recovery phase
- 3-4 wives of addicts to appear alone, under 35 yrs, any Christian faith,
their addict spouse does not have to be in recovery
- 2 divorced couples (split b/c of addiction) to both appear on camera, they
can either be interviewed together or separately, under 35 yrs, any Christian
faith
- 2-3 couples who are well into recovery, who can exemplify how couples can
get through the addiction together and be better for the experience, under
50 yrs, any Christian faith
_________________________

This "wish list" is not set in stone.  Any individual who isn't an exact match, but a good choice is needed for this project.
We assume that those willing to go on camera with their stories will likely be far into recovery, but we are very interested in those who aren't quite all the way there yet to speak on their experiences as well.
If you have questions for me, please let me know.  I very much appreciate your help and hope that you will consider this information and respond as quickly as possible. Our search is time sensitive and we need your support. We believe with the right stories, individuals and experts involved, this film will change so many lives for the better.
share@shamedthemovie.com

Please contact them if you are willing and able. If nothing else I hope that we will all be able to see the film and watch the effect it will have on the many who desperately need it.

The Simple Secret is This...

"...Put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him.” This is what Joseph B. Wirthlin says in a talk called Come What May and Love it. I recall bits and pieces from this talk a few years ago but someone in the 12 step group I go to last week mentioned a part in this talk that I think it so important for everyone and something that I did not remember hearing. After reading through the entire talk I feel that it is a great source for each one of us in every aspect of life. I would strongly reccommend reading through it. He says so many things that I have felt or tried to convey in my life but of course he does a bagillion times better. I am truly grateful for inspired leaders of this wonderful church who can teach us and lead us through word and example.
The part of this talk that I want to focus on is what he calls the principle of compensation. I have never remembered learning this and when I heard it was relieved honestly and it helped me understand life just a little more. I have a testimony of this principle and have seen it in my life just the way he explains it.

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

Isn't this amazing? As you read through his entire talk you read that everyone will experience loss and disappointment but that through faith we will be returned rejoicing a hundredfold!! What a promise. I have seen this so strongly in my life within the last 8 months. By going through the hardest trial so far in my life (learning of my husbands pornography addiction) we have been blessed more than a hundredfold. I have been in the deepest darkest hole I have ever experienced and as I have had faith, trusted in my Heavenly Father, and continued to keep truckin' I have been enormously blessed. One of the biggest, tanglible blessings if you will, is that my husband has been given 2 'dream' job offers. Never in a million years did we think we would get one of these let alone 2 at the same time. We have seen Heavenly Fathers hand in our life as we have been in tune with the Spirit to make simple decisions which have led up to these offers. We have done things that our brains may have asked why but our hearts told us to proceed. Another example is that since this trial I have been able to find another purpose in life. Most importantly I am a mom and wife, which I believe is the greatest job any woman can ever do, but I now feel as though I am helping many women whose shoes I have and am in. I enjoy sharing my testimony of this gospel and the blessing that it is in my own life. I love meeting with my 12 step group and learning from amazing women. We have been blessed in other ways as well but I am not going to ramble on and on.

I know that the principle of compensation is real and true. If you are still in the thick of despair, know that these blessings will come. You will be compensated and blessed a hundredfold, yes A HUNDREDFOLD for your faith and endurance. Please read this talk in it's entirety. It is not too long and will give you the hope that you may be needing today.

Forget Me Not

So today I had a very uplifting day at church. Sadly these are few and far between for me. I struggle with the ward I am in and am trying to remove my annoyed feelings that get in the way of me learning from what is being taught. First, in Sacrament the topic was prayer. I have an unbelievably strong testimony of prayer and rely on it heavily in my life. The speaker talked about 2 things that I liked and will briefly share. She said, "Heavenly Father hears every prayer and answers every prayer." He doesn't have a silent button like our phones and He always answers them just not always in the time or way we hoped or planned on. I can truly testify that both of these statements are true and I hope that you rely on prayer as much as I do. It is truly a blessing. The next inspiring moment I had today was in Relief Society. We discussed the talk by President Dieter F. Uchdorf titled Forget Me Not. I am sure many of you remember this talk. I loved hearing it again today and hope that you will enjoy some of the things that I re-learned and will now share.
First, forget not to be patient with yourself. Something he say's in this I really like. He says, "Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself." He continues on, "... these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him. If you consider success to be only the most perfect rose or dazzling orchid, you may miss some of life's sweetest experiences." We need to realize that we are not perfect (don't worry a whole post dedicated to this coming soon) and that we never will be in this life. God is also fully aware of this. President Uchdorf says, "It's wonderful that you have strengths. And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses." I know we all know this but I find it so much more powerful hearing it from an Apostle of God. We are here to learn and grow and to one day become perfect. That day is not today nor is it tomorrow.
Second, forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice. This one is just funny. He talks about how getting up with a sick child in the night is a good sacrfice whereas staying up all night to make the perfect hair bow for your daughters dress might be a foolish sacrifice. Let's be honest, I've totally done this and the next morning is not enjoyable. Each one of us is in a different situation and therefore good and foolish sacrifices may differ from person to person. President Uchdorf gives a question that can be asked to make sure we are choosing a good sarfice. "Am I committing my time and energies to the things that matter most?" There are so many good things for us to be doing but sometimes there are better options. This one really strikes home to be right now because we are in a place in our life that some crucial decisions will be made in the next year. We have a few good options and it is hard to decide what is the best option even when the best option may not seem to be what we were planning on or even want to do. We will trust in our Heavenly Father and ask exactly what President Uchdorf suggested, "Am I committing my time and energies to the things that matter most?"
Third, forget not to be happy now. This is a big one for me, and possibly for you as well. I find myself waaay too often in life looking ahead. Well, when we're just out of school. Once we have a job. Once we are out of debt. Once my babies are no longer babies (I like toddlers more than babies ;). Once this addiction is not consuming my every thought. And the lists go on. This is something I have to consciously work on. So many happy things happen each day. I need to recognize them and enjoy them. If you really think about it, the list will get quite out of control and thats a good thing! I have a husband who provides for us. He is trying his best to overcome an addiction. He loves me and my children. I have healthy children (that are stinkin' cute might I add). I get to stay home and be a mom to them, such a blessing (sometimes in disguise). I have food on my table. I have a home and a car. I have the gospel of Jesus Christ and I have a firm testimony that carries me through the good and bad times. And the list definitely goes on.
Fourth, forget not the "why" of the gospel. President Uchdorf explains that sometimes we look at the gospel as a long list of things to do. Something that we have to fit into our busy schedules. He says, "We focus on what the Lord wants us to do and how we might do it, but we sometimes forget why." The gospel is not an obligation but a pathway to happiness. We need to know the what and how of the gospel but as we understand the why we will realize the joy and delight that comes from living the gospel. Watch this Mormon Message before continuing to read. This is an amazing story for many reasons but I want to tie it into the gospel as a blessing. This boy said that it felt harder to be pulling or pushing Dayton during the race but how great it was for him to have his friend along side him. At the end when he felt all his strength was gone Dayton started smiling and the boy was able to sprint to the finish. I think this can relate to the fact that sometimes the gospel may feel harder to pull along (seriously I know, sometimes I wonder why I bring noisy kids to church, etc.) But the gospel is our friend cheering us on. Making it so that we can sprint to the finish. What a blessing the gospel is in our lives. It's not a burden but a true priviledge to have such knowledge. And don't you just hope your child is as awesome as this young man? I certainly do!
Fifth, forget not that the Lord loves you. Basically you need to read what he says because it is powerful. We are not forgotten. No matter how miserable life is or how we may feel about our life and our circumstances Heavenly Father is aware. He loves us. He cares about us. He wants us to rely on Him and His gospel.
I hope that this message will touch you as it did me. So many important things to remember. These are just my thoughts on the things President Uchdorf talked about but here is a link to the full talk. I hope you will read, listen to the spirit, and choose something to work on this week to make yourself even better than the amazing person that you are.

Happy Face :)

This article makes me happy. Please read, click through the links, and enjoy! I was giddy with happiness when I read it because it is seriously Aww-Some!! Hooray for good people putting excellent much needed information out there. THANK YOU!!!!

News Article and Communication

This week in the BYU student newspaper the opinion editor ran a series on pornography addiction. Here is the link to the section I wrote. She also put an article in from an addict and info from a therapist. I hope this will help at least one addict or spouse heal a little faster! Slowly but surely people this plague is being brought to light! It makes me kinda excited, I know weird right? I just see such a need for this knowledge and awareness. May we all continue to heal and pay it forward to others in our situation.
On another note I continued to be reminded of how important communication is in healing from this addiction as well as in life in general. My husband and I's communication was lacking before I became aware of this addiction. Since then we have strived VERY tireously to improve it. Some days and weeks we rock at communicating, other times not so much. We are learning that when we aren't communicating as well we are annoyed with each other sometimes for the dumbest things. This is totally my opinion, as is this entire blog, but I feel like you have to be TOTALLY honest with your husband about your feelings. My husband recently informed me he couldn't read my mind. Who knew right? But no, I am learning that I have to tell him what I am feeling, what my concerns are. He has no idea unless I open my mouth and politely convey them. Just this week we were struggling with our communication so we sat down one night, discussed what was going on, and actually wrote down what things needed to change. It was silly but very beneficial for us. Good communication encompasses so much I realize but it is something that has to be continually strived for, at least in my case. Let your spouse know what is going on and how you are feeling in every area of life. It has made great improvements in my marriage and I hope to continue to keep it a priority.

Slowly but Surely...

Slowly but the surely the topic of pornography is being discussed and talked about. The more this is discussed the faster individuals will start healing from this plague. Thank you to this editor for putting this topic out there.  I hope that this article will show at least one person that they are not alone, that they can recover, and that they will finally seek out the help that they need.

Great New Forum

Here is a great new LDS forum that is starting. Now we can all discuss this trial together and support each other! Hope it helps in your healing.

So True

www.bravegirlsclub.com/archives/2151 This is an amazing blog post. Truly eye opening. May we all be a little kinder to those around us and receive a little more kindness for what we battle secretly each day.

Another Resource

A fellow wife has started a blog! www.bestrongbeconfident.blogspot.com I do not know her personally but am amazed by her story and inspiration. Please feel free to follow her new blog. I thank all you women who read these and those who write them. We truly strengthen each other with our thoughts and emotions. I hope my blog and the others on my side reel can be a support in your healing.

She Put's it Best

This is an amazing post http://hisstrugglemystruggle.blogspot.com/2011/10/addiction-recovery-group-meetings.html. Please read it. Please attend an Addiction Recovery Meeting. I echo every word she wrote! This meeting can and will change your life if you let it.

Another Blog

I have another blog link for your http://www.oursecretbattles.blogspot.com/. Feel free to check it out. If you ever want me to post your blog or something you write about pornography addiction recovery I would be more than happy to. I am trying to provide as many resources to you readers as possible. As you sift through them you will find which ones you find beneficial and those of which you won't be checking regularly. I hope that some of these sites will aid in your healing process. Thanks for stopping by mine on a regular basis!

Link

I linked a very useful site on the Resources side bar, Row Boats and Marbles. After clicking on the link, scroll slightly down their sidebar to "Essays", Letter to the Wives is well written and provides much clarity on the mechanics of SA. Their whole site is well done though...one I and my husband have already benefited from.

new blog

So as not to "take over" this blog with too many posts I've started posting on my own blog. 

http://www.hisstrugglemystruggle.blogspot.com/

I hope we can build a network of loving sisters sharing in this struggle.

Thanks friends!

Help

Just wanted to post about some of the things I have found to help me through this process. Writing in my journal or this blog has been good, talking WAY OPENLY with my husband, cafemom.com, the book Confronting Pornography, and NOT controlling my husband.
-Writing has been a good outlet to express my emotions and also to keep track of how I felt when others need help in the stages I have now surpassed.
-Talking openly with my husband has been most beneficial I would say. This is a tricky one because your husband also has to be willing. We have been patient at listening to each other devulge what hurts us the most. We have stayed up for hours crying and physically hurting. In the moment it is so painful but we are able to completely communicate with each other and understand where we are coming from. I understand this is beyond difficult but for me it has been SUPER beneficial.
-Someone told me about the site cafemom.com. They have a forum called "wives of porn addicts" that has been really interesting and helpful. Some stuff is totally bizarre but I just disregard and read what pertains to me. I would reccommend it though.
-My brother in law sent my husband the book Confronting Pornography and it has a portion for the spouse. SOOO beneficial. I felt like it was my EXACT situation. I would TOTALLY reccommend it. Very good insight.
-Lastly, which I think may be more difficult for some than others, is NOT controlling my husband. This is not something I can fix for him. He has to do this on his own. Me monitoring him or checking internet usage is not going to solve this. We have gotten rid of his smart phone, watch significantly less tv, and have agreed that if he has a problem he tells me that day. Otherwise he is on his own. I love and support him and talk with him frequently. He goes to group therapys and is learning other outlets in stressful moments. I hope these things can be of benefit for you and if you have found other coping mechanisms please share. Addictions can be overcome. I am truly grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ and that He knows the pain we have all experienced. Heavenly Father is so aware of us and wants us so badly to overcome this and teach others how to do lifewise. Satan is vicious and works in such deceitful ways! We are strong women. As we strengthen our own families we can then help others strengthen theirs.
PS do something for youself today, I'm debating between a pedi or shopping... hmm