Saturday, March 17, 2012

What if...

What if I start acting happy, what will my husband think? Will he remember how miserable he has made me? Will he think this is all ok? I know I definitely had these thoughts.
What if I start acting happy, what will my husband think? My husband was grateful and relieved that I was being happy again. He didn't think, 'why isn't she miserable still, she should be miserable forever!' That's just ridiculous. No one likes to be around people that are sad alllllllll the time. As I became happy again we were able to get back to our 'normal' life. He wasn't always tip-toeing on egg shells around me waiting for my next meltdown. We were able to laugh again and talk about whatever we wanted to. We didn't have the white elephant in the room of 'what do we talk about now?' I think all of our husbands are happier when we are happier! Happy wife is a happy life, and ain't that the truth! haha
Will he remember how miserable he has made me? YES!!! He isn't stupid or naive. He knows the pain he has brought upon you. He see's your heart suffering and it is killing him inside. For me, realizing that my husband truly hurt from this addiction helped. That sounds awful, I know but as I learned how sad and miserable he was inside it made me realize that we both needed to heal. I wasn't the only sad and hurt one. He knows he broke my heart. My husband never wanted this addiction. He never wanted to bring it into a marriage. He never wanted to see me sob uncontrollably because of his actions. This addiction hurts our loved ones just as it hurts us. I don't think our husbands will ever forget the misery that this addiction causes. Becoming happy again does not erase their memory.
Will he think this is all ok? NO! He know's this is not ok. He knows that he has caused more pain in our lives than any other person on this planet. He knows what will happen if recovery is not acheived. Our men know that just because we become happy again doesn't mean that this doesn't still hurt. They have seen our pain and anguish and they are sorry for what they have done. Communicating to him that you are happy but that this is still not ok and that it does still hurt from time to time is also a huge recommendation of mine (future post coming soon).
Basically what I think it comes down to, whether you agree with my opinion or not, is that we cannot withhold being happy because of our husbands. My husband is in recovery and doing well for which I am very grateful. Honestly, this does make it easier to be happy. But regardless of whether your husband is doing great or is still struggling you cannot withhold your own healing. In order to more forward, in my opinion, you have to be happy again. Do not withhold your own happiness because you fear your husband will think 'this is all ok afterall, I'm off the hook.' We all have agency. Your husband is going to recover or stay addicted whether you become happy again or not. Do not let his actions rule your attitude on life. If you are ready and wanting to be happy again, DO IT! Be happy. Your husband, children, friends and YOURSELF will be so grateful!

1 comment:

  1. I love what you wrote at the end- "your husband is going to recover or stay addicted whether you become happy again or not"

    We can't rely on other people for our happiness- it just doesn't work that way. Have a plan A and a Plan B and a Plan C and so on. If plan A doesn't work it's okay because you have plan B. I'm working on this now- to become less dependent on others and more HAPPY and STABLE just with ME ;)

    Good job!


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