The turning point in my journey was me 'choosing to be happy'. I personally could not live a miserable and sad life. I don't like crying and I don't like being sad. Therefore I had to figure something out. When I read the Ensign article about choosing happiness, I decided that this was exactly what I needed to do. No matter how out of control or awful my life seemed I could choose otherwise. I could choose to be happy and to enjoy life. I can remember how beautiful my kids are. I can remember how amazing my husband is and that he does love me. That I have a home, the gospel, health, family, etc, etc. I get to stay home with my babies and raise them. I have so many things to be happy about yet I was letting my husbands pornography addiction consume me. I was using it as an excuse to be miserable. In the addiction recovery program manual Healing Through Christ it states, "We can stop allowing their choices to be the determining factor in whether or not we find joy in our own lives." We have to do this in order to heal. Every person on this Earth has been given agency. We all get to make our own decisions in life. Our decisions may affect others as well as their decisions may affect us but we all get to choose. You can choose to be miserable because of our circumstances or you can choose to be happy even though life isn't perfect. For me choosing to be happy was the best option. Don't get me wrong, I still cry and have bad days. I still get frustrated and annoyed about life but for the most part I am happy. I enjoy life and I am trying to learn and become better from my trials.
So back to what I actually wanted to get to, sorry side-tracked there for a minute... Anywho faking it til we make it. We have all heard the term and know what it means. The way I got to real happiness was pretending I was happy until I actually was. I made myself be happy. I would (and still do) list all my blessings when I am annoyed or frustrated. I did things that made me happy (hair cut, actually got ready for the day, shopped without children, etc.). I researched the topic of happiness and basically just told myself I was happy. I have eventually gotten to the point where I am actually happy. I no longer have to fake it because I have made it. Life will continue to throw curve balls and at times I will be sad, irritated, frustrated, and hopeless. In those moments I hope that I will be able to reflect on how I changed my attitude during this trial. How I used my agency to be happy. How I faked it until I made it and how by telling myself I was happy I eventually became happy. If you've made it, YAY!! If not, keep faking it. You will get there, you will be happy!