Perfection

Why is it that we are so determined to appear 'perfect'? I use to be quite guilty of this but I have recently finally been able to accept that we all struggle. Why is it that we are more than happy to take in meals to others in need or  listen to those suffering for hours on end? I think that most of us actually enjoy doing these things. We enjoy serving others in need but definitely don't like the spotlight on ourselves. Maybe we like serving so much because it makes our own issues go away for a small time. Who knows, really. Regardless of the reasons it's craziness. Sometimes we flat out need help! We need someone's shoulder to cry on. We need a hug or someone to watch our kids so that we can breathe for an hour. Everyone in life needs help occasionally! And it's ok! It's normal!!!! I don't know exactly where I am going with this. I guess I just want us all to remember, including myself, that asking for and receiving help is a good thing. Think of how happy it makes you to serve someone in need. Let someone do that for you. I am not saying that you have to stand on the mountaintop and shout 'MY HUSBAND IS ADDICTED TO PORN!" (That might be a little overwhelming ;) What I am saying though is that if you need help, get it. Whether it is confiding in a friend, emailing me :), attending a 12 step meeting, finding a therapist, joining an online forum, or chatting with a Bishop, do it! Do what you need to continue on this journey of healing. No one's life is perfect, NO ONE'S! Even our amazing Prophet and Apostles of this incredible church face significant trials and I bet you anything that they receive help from others. They don't bear their hardships alone. They have lost children and spouses. They have had children with addictions. They are tried in this life just as we are. They provide help to others in need but they also receive it in their moments of need. Admit that your life is not perfect because it's not. I hope that it is great and wonderful and fun and enjoyable but it is not perfect. It is not suppose to be and it is not ever going to be (sorry to break it to ya). This life is a wonderful journey filled with trials and triumphs. I hope that we will all ask for the help we need when we need it. Asking for help is hard, I know, but make someone's day by letting them serve you. No one's life is perfect and we all secretly know it.

Forget Me Not

So today I had a very uplifting day at church. Sadly these are few and far between for me. I struggle with the ward I am in and am trying to remove my annoyed feelings that get in the way of me learning from what is being taught. First, in Sacrament the topic was prayer. I have an unbelievably strong testimony of prayer and rely on it heavily in my life. The speaker talked about 2 things that I liked and will briefly share. She said, "Heavenly Father hears every prayer and answers every prayer." He doesn't have a silent button like our phones and He always answers them just not always in the time or way we hoped or planned on. I can truly testify that both of these statements are true and I hope that you rely on prayer as much as I do. It is truly a blessing. The next inspiring moment I had today was in Relief Society. We discussed the talk by President Dieter F. Uchdorf titled Forget Me Not. I am sure many of you remember this talk. I loved hearing it again today and hope that you will enjoy some of the things that I re-learned and will now share.
First, forget not to be patient with yourself. Something he say's in this I really like. He says, "Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself." He continues on, "... these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him. If you consider success to be only the most perfect rose or dazzling orchid, you may miss some of life's sweetest experiences." We need to realize that we are not perfect (don't worry a whole post dedicated to this coming soon) and that we never will be in this life. God is also fully aware of this. President Uchdorf says, "It's wonderful that you have strengths. And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses." I know we all know this but I find it so much more powerful hearing it from an Apostle of God. We are here to learn and grow and to one day become perfect. That day is not today nor is it tomorrow.
Second, forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice. This one is just funny. He talks about how getting up with a sick child in the night is a good sacrfice whereas staying up all night to make the perfect hair bow for your daughters dress might be a foolish sacrifice. Let's be honest, I've totally done this and the next morning is not enjoyable. Each one of us is in a different situation and therefore good and foolish sacrifices may differ from person to person. President Uchdorf gives a question that can be asked to make sure we are choosing a good sarfice. "Am I committing my time and energies to the things that matter most?" There are so many good things for us to be doing but sometimes there are better options. This one really strikes home to be right now because we are in a place in our life that some crucial decisions will be made in the next year. We have a few good options and it is hard to decide what is the best option even when the best option may not seem to be what we were planning on or even want to do. We will trust in our Heavenly Father and ask exactly what President Uchdorf suggested, "Am I committing my time and energies to the things that matter most?"
Third, forget not to be happy now. This is a big one for me, and possibly for you as well. I find myself waaay too often in life looking ahead. Well, when we're just out of school. Once we have a job. Once we are out of debt. Once my babies are no longer babies (I like toddlers more than babies ;). Once this addiction is not consuming my every thought. And the lists go on. This is something I have to consciously work on. So many happy things happen each day. I need to recognize them and enjoy them. If you really think about it, the list will get quite out of control and thats a good thing! I have a husband who provides for us. He is trying his best to overcome an addiction. He loves me and my children. I have healthy children (that are stinkin' cute might I add). I get to stay home and be a mom to them, such a blessing (sometimes in disguise). I have food on my table. I have a home and a car. I have the gospel of Jesus Christ and I have a firm testimony that carries me through the good and bad times. And the list definitely goes on.
Fourth, forget not the "why" of the gospel. President Uchdorf explains that sometimes we look at the gospel as a long list of things to do. Something that we have to fit into our busy schedules. He says, "We focus on what the Lord wants us to do and how we might do it, but we sometimes forget why." The gospel is not an obligation but a pathway to happiness. We need to know the what and how of the gospel but as we understand the why we will realize the joy and delight that comes from living the gospel. Watch this Mormon Message before continuing to read. This is an amazing story for many reasons but I want to tie it into the gospel as a blessing. This boy said that it felt harder to be pulling or pushing Dayton during the race but how great it was for him to have his friend along side him. At the end when he felt all his strength was gone Dayton started smiling and the boy was able to sprint to the finish. I think this can relate to the fact that sometimes the gospel may feel harder to pull along (seriously I know, sometimes I wonder why I bring noisy kids to church, etc.) But the gospel is our friend cheering us on. Making it so that we can sprint to the finish. What a blessing the gospel is in our lives. It's not a burden but a true priviledge to have such knowledge. And don't you just hope your child is as awesome as this young man? I certainly do!
Fifth, forget not that the Lord loves you. Basically you need to read what he says because it is powerful. We are not forgotten. No matter how miserable life is or how we may feel about our life and our circumstances Heavenly Father is aware. He loves us. He cares about us. He wants us to rely on Him and His gospel.
I hope that this message will touch you as it did me. So many important things to remember. These are just my thoughts on the things President Uchdorf talked about but here is a link to the full talk. I hope you will read, listen to the spirit, and choose something to work on this week to make yourself even better than the amazing person that you are.

Trials AND Triumphs

Do you ever feel that when life is going too good that something bad is lurking around the corner? Or vice versa? I know I sure do! I have had small moments of this in my life that as I look back really were pretty insignificant. When this pornography issue came to light my world came crashing down. I mean everything literally exploded into smitherenes (totally don't know how to spell that). Unfortunately you probably can relate. Not only did I now know that my husband suffered from a pornography addiction we were jobless and in significant debt (thankfully not because of his addiction but school loans). I literally felt as thought NOTHING was going for us. We decided that we had to change things to show Heavenly Father how much we truly needed him. We made scriptures and prayer a mandatory event every day as a family. We prayed more earnestly than we ever had putting our total faith and trust in our Heavenly Father. We did the small things that are hard for me to blog about but that I know showed our Heavenly Father how much we truly needed Him. I am a living example and witness that trials and triumphs come hand in hand. Small things started to happen in our lives showing us that Heavenly Father was truly aware of us. Someone door bell ditched us money and my husbands favorite food. Our 3 year old was memorizing scriptures faster than we were. My husband found a part time job. Many small things kept happening to us reminding me that Heavenly Father was watching over me and my little family. And then the kicker. I literally felt my Saviors love and hand in my life more than I can explain or have ever experienced in my life. It is almost bringing tears to my eyes remembering this day.
I was laying on the couch when my husband popped in the house after work, told our little girl to come outside, and she shortly thereafter walked in the house with flowers in her hand. she brought them to me and said, "Daddy got a job." I was so confused. "What? Daddy got a job?" My husband looked at me and shook his head. We had gotten my husband's dream job. In our number 1 choice location. We hugged and cried and laughed and hugged some more. I have never felt so strongly in my life that Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways. We had been through the hardest months of my entire life and through persistence, and I mean persistence, we were provided with our greatest desire.
I have a strong testimony and love for my Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ. I have felt Their love in my worst and best moments of life. Trials and Triumphs are definitely part of this life, boy can I testify of that. Heavenly Father is watching over you. Keep perservering. Keep doing all that you can and showing your Heavenly Father how much you trust in His plan. Good things really do come to those who wait (and perservere might I add). Keep fighting!

Happy Face :)

This article makes me happy. Please read, click through the links, and enjoy! I was giddy with happiness when I read it because it is seriously Aww-Some!! Hooray for good people putting excellent much needed information out there. THANK YOU!!!!

How Do You See Him?

I heard the best thing from a person I greatly respect that I want to share with you. I hope she doesn't mind :S.

"We need to see our husbands as the Savior see's him."

Think about it. I mean seriously sit and think about this. If we truly see our spouses as the Savior see's him things would be totally different. Think to yourself how the Savior see's him. Take your emotions out of the picture for a moment. Our Savior loves him, unconditionally. He see's his many accomplishments, name them! He see's his beautiful wife. He see's his beautiful children. He see's a man who works hard, loves his children, loves his wife and is trying. He see's a man who is hurt but wanting so badly to change. He knows this man's inner most feelings and desires more so than the man himself. If you still can't see him this way here is a little story to help you.
A daughter was visiting her mom for the week. All night long she was kept up with the neighbors yappy dog. She was so annoyed. I mean, who wouldn't be? 'Who let's their dog yap like that all night?' She thought. The next morning she told her mom that she needed to let the police know about the dog. 'There are ordinances against this, quiet hours in neighborhoods. That dog is so loud.' The mom didn't say anything. Each night the daughter lay awake annoyed by this ridiculous dog. While complaining again to her mom, her mom kindly replied, 'The neighbor called me last week and apologized that her dog was barking all night. She explained that her son was not doing well and the therapist recommended that they get a dog because it might keep her son here a little longer. The neighbor said very apologetically,

'I am sorry for the annoying dog but I absolutely adore my son.'

Think of our Heavenly Father. He absolutely adores His son. He loves your husband even with the addiction he has and has put on his family. Heavenly Father also absolutely adores His daughter (you!). Try to see your husband as your Savior see's him. It may sound difficult but pray for help! What a difference this could make in our recovery and healing. Your husband is a good man. If you can't see this know that Heavenly Father can. Trust your Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ. They know you. They know your husband. They know your situation and with Their help you can heal.
I thank my friend for this great message. Pray for help in seeing your husband as your Savior see's him, what a blessing this will be for us.

Shhh

This is the definition of intimacy: a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group. If you are like me you use the word intimate and sex interchangably when in reality they are not the same thing. I want to write a post about this and hope that more posts or possibly even page a dedicated to the subject will be added because this is something that I have personally struggled with from the very beginning of our marriage. As I have gone through and seen what topics are getting the most hits the few discussions on sex have been hit a lot! Maybe because it is a topic that no body wants to talk about openly, I know I sure don't like talking about it. To set the stage, here is how my brain works for those of you who don't know me (which is pretty much all of you). First off I don't like being naked. I think sex is physically just gross and dirty and I am not a touchy/cuddly person. All these factors make it very difficult to allow sex to happen, trust me. I go in spurts of trying to overcome my problems and spurts of not caring. My husband and I use to just ignore the problem until I learned about this pornography problem. Somehow that made me want to improve this area of my life. Initially no, but after time yes. We have read books, talked openly, we have even made 'goals' of how to improve our sex life. It's sounds crazy writing this all down. I feel like kind of an idiot for my 'problem' to be honest but I think that other women may be in my same position. This is definitely still a work in progress for me but I am trying my best to figure it out. There are a few things that are working for me that may help you. Let me first go over what has nothing in my opinion to do with the pornography issue. I had to mentally tell myself that sex is important and necessary in a healthy marriage. This was a really strange concept to me, truthfully. I am perfectly happy without it but my husband not so much (and probably most men in general). We were able to communicate what each one of us needed. Me: a clean house, happy children, service and kind words from my spouse. Husband: cuddling, hugs and kisses, intimacy, and sex. We were able to realize that his needs and mine were different yet both very important to our individual happiness. We both have to try to provide these things for each other to create a happy, long, successful marriage. I had to tell myself that sex isn't gross (let's be honest, it is but I just told myself it isn't) haha it's true. So what your reading sounds funny but it's what I did. I totally told my brain these things. Just talked myself into it!
Now on to dealing with intimacy and sex with a husband that has a pornography addiction. Initially I was so uncomfortable changing in front of him, being naked ever, being touched, being looked at, pretty much everything! I didn't know what he had seen and what he was seeing when he looked at me. It was tearing me apart. I finally asked him. Yup, that easy, I asked him. I expressed all of my concerns and how uncomfortable I was. He was able to answer all my questions and put my mind a little more at ease. I once again had to make a mental decision to put it behind me. If I continued to let these thoughts race through my mind I was literally going to go crazy. For me, I had to dismiss them. I still have unwanted thoughts of what he has seen or what he see's on me but I try to immediately push them away. This is Satan working. He is trying to degrade me. He is trying to ruin my marriage. He is trying to ruin the intimacy and good sex life my husband and I are trying so very hard to create. Satan is wise. He is cunning. He is out to get us, but we can stop him. 'He may have power to bruise our heal but we will have power to crush his head' says a scripture somewhere I believe. Satan can be pushed out out of heads and he needs to be.
Get Satan out of your head. Don't let him win. Start small, if you don't feel comfortable with sex yet that is OK! Let him sleep in the same bed with you again. Hold his hand or cuddle him on the couch. Kiss him on the forehead or if you dare the lips ;) He needs your affection. You need him. You may have to step out of your comfort zone but do it. Push Satan away and work on those hard things in life. Intimacy and sex are part of Heavenly Father's plan. It is meant to be used for good and unfortunately we have seen first hand it used for evil. Talk with your husband about what is going through your head. Let him reassure you. Find out what he needs and let him know what you  need. Strive to provide those things for him as best you can and make sure he is doing his part (kindly) towards you. Make your marriage good again. Push Satan out, he has been here long enough!
This I know is a very touchy subject and I hope to not offend anyone. I struggle with intimacy and sex quite a bit and am trying to improve it in my own marriage. I hope that if you have any insight that you will please share it with me. I wish you the very best on this very difficult journey.

Sad Face :(

I was just editting my blog and realized one of my favorite blog posts in M I A. :( Boo! I will try to re-create and re-post it soon! Man, I really hate my lack of computer knowledge. Bah-Humbug. Hope you had a good weekend in the meantime.

Be the hero

So yesterday I went to a Scentsy convention where I was suppose to get all fired up about selling Scentsy and becoming filthy rich. Ha ha ha. I had a good time and did learn a few things but somehow my mind kept wandering to the topic of this blog. I guess my focus isn't 100% on selling Scentsy (but my house does smell good :) and more so on life and trials. So here was the message that I took home that I want to share with all of you. It was one short sentence but one that hit me. The speaker said don't be the victim of your life, be the hero. It's so simple yet true. So many times in my life I think; 'I can't do this, this is hard, I am not good at this, why me, why should I even try', and on and on and on. I am the type of person that likes to be automatically good at things, and that list is not overly long. I don't like putting much effort into things and when I am not good I usually quit. Really though. I played soccer from the age of 4 and quit at 14 when I didn't like the coach. I tried out for dance, tennis, basketball, and student body in high school all with no success. I didn't try out again. I have high self esteem and like the person that I am but I am a quitter. I don't like trying once I fail the first time. I make myself the victim instead of the hero. When I heard this sentence yesterday I thought how very true it is to become the victim of our husbands pornography addiction. We did NOTHING to cause this. We did NOTHING to deserve this. In some cases we even tried to do everything to avoid it. And still we are the ones who get to suffer and hurt from somebody else's actions. We are the ones who attend therapy and 12 step programs in hopes to heal our broken hearts. When you look at this situation it most definitely seems as though we are the victim. If we allow ourselves to be, we are. We can become the helpless sad victim who never mends her broken heart. Well, here's the good news. You don't have to be the victim, in fact you can be the exact opposite. You can be the hero! You can continue to attend therapy, communicate openly with your husband, attend 12 step meetings, cry/vent/sob/laugh/etc. whenever you need to. You can become whole again. Your heart can mend, it can become stronger. You can become stronger in the gospel, strenghten your marriage, even become the person you have always wanted to be from the results of a horrible addiction. Being the hero in this trying time is not easy. It's not fun or enjoyable but it is possible and it is worth it. I thank my Heavenly Father that for one of the first times in my life I did not allow myself to become the victim. I chose to nip this thing in the rear and figure it out. I feel like such a better person because of this trial. The communication skills I have developed with my husband were non-existant before this burden entered my life. I am grateful that I became the hero in my life. Don't be the victim in your life, be the hero!

The Dreaded Day

Oh Valentines Day. Dumbest Holiday ever in my opinion! I have always hated it. Whether I was dating someone, single, or even now married. I just think it is dumb. Why is there an assigned day to show love? Shouldn't that be every day of the year? And don't we deserve flowers spountaneously not just on Feb. 14th? Just the beginning of my dislike list... Anyways, this year I have decided to embrace it. I decorated my house, not much but a little something, and we decided to have a fun dinner with our kids tomorrow. Today I took the kids out to pick out a balloon and treat for Daddy. Tomorrow we are making heart shaped pizza and dressing up for dinner. It is still not my favorite holiday but at least I am not dreading it. I'm just trying to embrace it I suppose. As I have been thinking about the day and what it all entails, showing love for your significant other in physical and monetary ways, I thought how much more difficult if might be for women in our positions. I don't really know how to put it into words that are friendly but do you know what I mean? I personally have grown to love my husband more, after much dislike and agony might I add, and maybe that is why I am embracing the holiday more this year. Or maybe I am just trying not to be a scrouge and show my kids that it's fun... Regardless for some tomorrow will be hard. It will be uncomfortable and sad. My heart goes out to you that are in that place. I hope that you will be able to enjoy tomorrow as best as possible and that next year and the years to come will be even better because you have grown to love your significant other even more from such a painful trial. What are your feelings about Valentines Day and what will you be doing to celebrate tomorrow?

They Did It!!

Just wanted to update you that the Shamed Movie reached their goal! Thanks for all who spread the word and donated. I look forward to this movie being produced and hope that it will truly help people understand this pandemic and receive the help that so many are still desperately in need of.

News Article and Communication

This week in the BYU student newspaper the opinion editor ran a series on pornography addiction. Here is the link to the section I wrote. She also put an article in from an addict and info from a therapist. I hope this will help at least one addict or spouse heal a little faster! Slowly but surely people this plague is being brought to light! It makes me kinda excited, I know weird right? I just see such a need for this knowledge and awareness. May we all continue to heal and pay it forward to others in our situation.
On another note I continued to be reminded of how important communication is in healing from this addiction as well as in life in general. My husband and I's communication was lacking before I became aware of this addiction. Since then we have strived VERY tireously to improve it. Some days and weeks we rock at communicating, other times not so much. We are learning that when we aren't communicating as well we are annoyed with each other sometimes for the dumbest things. This is totally my opinion, as is this entire blog, but I feel like you have to be TOTALLY honest with your husband about your feelings. My husband recently informed me he couldn't read my mind. Who knew right? But no, I am learning that I have to tell him what I am feeling, what my concerns are. He has no idea unless I open my mouth and politely convey them. Just this week we were struggling with our communication so we sat down one night, discussed what was going on, and actually wrote down what things needed to change. It was silly but very beneficial for us. Good communication encompasses so much I realize but it is something that has to be continually strived for, at least in my case. Let your spouse know what is going on and how you are feeling in every area of life. It has made great improvements in my marriage and I hope to continue to keep it a priority.

Sign This

Here is something we can all do! Sign this and stand up against this pornography pandemic.

Slowly but Surely...

Slowly but the surely the topic of pornography is being discussed and talked about. The more this is discussed the faster individuals will start healing from this plague. Thank you to this editor for putting this topic out there.  I hope that this article will show at least one person that they are not alone, that they can recover, and that they will finally seek out the help that they need.

Life is Unfair

I have recently been informed about some close friends trials. The trials and hardships they are enduring right now are beyond my comprehension. My heart aches for what they are enduring. They are amazing people and I look at them and think, "That is so sad and unfair." I commend them for the strength and determination they continue to show. They will become an even more amazing person than they already are if they continue to endure and trust in the Lord. As I look at what some of these people are going through I think, "Dang, I will take my trial any day over that one." I feel like my trials are not even comparable to what they are going through. At the same time I remember a friend telling me (without any knowledge of what was going on in my life) how she could never stay married if her husband ever looked at porn. I don't even recall how I responded to be honest. I look at this situation and realize that we are all dealt what we can handle and what will benefit us the most. If you ever think "I can't handle this" or "Why didn't I get a different trial" maybe look around and realize that there are worse things out there. Someone always has it better and someone always has it worse. Trials are individulized for our specific needs, and what will help us grow the most. I am learning that one of the many reasons I was given this trial of supporting my husband through his pornography addiction recovery is to become an advocate against this plague. I have grown as a person, the communication in my marriage has improved immensely, and now I am doing my best to advocate against this plague that so many are entrapped in. We will experience many trials in our life. Some large and at times unbearable. Some smaller yet frustrating. I have realized that in the moment of trial, man I hate it. As I begin to surface and catch my breath I begin to see the purpose of the trial. I have experienced many trials in my life and will continue to endure more and I feel like they have made me the person that I am. I guess what I am trying to get at through all this rambling is that we all suffer hardships. Life may seem unfair and maybe it is. All we can do is trust our Heavenly Father, learn, grow, help others, and become better overall. Whatever path you are on, continue to perservere. We are on this Earth to learn and I have certainly learned a lot from this specific trial and know you have/will too.

Erggggg!

Errrggg! I was so annoyed by some of the commercials during the Superbowl tonight. I just get mad at how much sex and nudity is such a seller for products. My husband and I have this thing that if a product has a trashy ad we no longer support the company. Not that our measily dollars make a difference but it makes us feel better. Well, after the Superbowl tonight the list grew. What a bummer! It saddens me that the world revolves around sex. Hence my ERG! There it is, my vent of the night. I don't think the world will ever change unfortunately but I do hope as women with standards we can make a stand and rid it from our lives and those around us. Let's promote and advocate against the evil that this is. Sex and nudity should be kept and held sacred and special, because it is. And as a side note that does actually tie in head over to the Shamed website. They really need these donations, only 9 days left to reach their goal. Spread the word wherever possible. This info needs to be spread to those who do deal with it personally and those who don't. Please do anything you can for this great cause! Thank you to you all!  I hope your healing is continuing to progress in the right direction.

Great New Forum

Here is a great new LDS forum that is starting. Now we can all discuss this trial together and support each other! Hope it helps in your healing.

The next generation

Pornography addiction is so hush hush and not discussed anywhere. How frustrating since sooo many of us are suffering in silence. This is a lot of why I hope this Shamed Movie gets produced (2 more weeks to raise money :S). This movie will be able to get the word out to so many more than what of our blogs can reach. Whether pornography addiction has entered your home, your neighbors, siblings, or miraculously no one's that you know of, we can all help the next generation. We can all be advocates against pornography. Being an advocate doesn't mean you have to devulge your life and story. It merely means you take a stand against this plague. Most importantly create an open dialgue in your homes. Teaching your children what pornography is and teaching them what to do when they are exposed to it. Yes I said when not if. Once we have taught this in our home we can branch out to others. Support discussions of this subject in your ward, extended family, and with good friends. Yes it is uncomfortable right now. That is exactly the problem! Once we can make this a non-uncomfortable subject (does that make sense?) to discuss is when Satan will start to lose this battle. I personally feel as though this is one of my purposes in life. To bring pornography addiction into the light. Showing that good people deal with this and that even though they have an addiction they are still great people. These people can heal from their addictions and become better. We don't become better by having a carefree life on easy street, I know lame! The Prophet and Apostles whom I would assume we all respect haven't had a trial-free life. They have become better and refined because of the pain and trials they have endured. As we heal in our trials we need to become advocates against this. You do not have to share your personal hardships but we are doing our families and so many others a disservice if we don't bring this to light. Stand up for what is right! Turn this uncomfortable stigmatized subject into one that is discussed openly in your home. Protect your children from what you are currently enduring. Protect their future marriage and children by teaching them now how to avoid addiction. When they are exposed teach them to come to you. Be kind and gentle to them. Support them and teach them correct principles that they can forever hold on to. As ridiculous as this sounds I hope that the day will come that when a women finds out of her husbands pornography addiction she will be able to tell all her friends and family and in return all her friends and family will rally around her and to support and love her. Similar to if you said your husband was an alcoholic. Know what I'm saying? Let us all do our part. Let us all be brave and courageous. Do what you wish someone would have done for you. Informed you!