Wednesday, August 31, 2011

No fear of judgement...

I remember when I first learned of my husband's struggle with pornography. Amongst the many, many thoughts was the fear of someone thinking less of my husband if they knew. I wanted to protect him. Amidst my hurt, I still wanted to protect him. And I thought that telling no one would protect him, and myself. No one knew for a few years, and guess how far we, a stone's throw at best, if anywhere at all. Compared with the miles covered since involving select others, it was literally nowhere. I now understand the error in my thinking. This type of addiction is much more successfully overcome when involving close family or friends to one's comfort, and/or support groups. Successful to the individual for accountability and encouragement, and successful to the wife for support and perspective. The battle is uphill and steep with loose footing. However, it is worth it, oh so very worth it if both husband and wife are willing! I no longer feel the need to protect, no no, rather commend and revel in my husband's choice to not give up, to endure, to educate himself and seek help. I stand in awe at his determination to be freed from this entanglement. Whatever it took, and continues to take to not only sustain but to be anxiously engaged in good (fighting it). I am no longer shocked to hear of someone struggling with this, no matter how well I know them. In fact, if they are between the ages of 11 and 36, there's a right good chance they are, to some degree or another. I would hope that all wives would bluntly ask their husband's if they struggle with this. This may be bold, but I believe it is a responsibility/right of ours as wives. Not to mention as a mother as well. Our children are inundated by this before they even know what it is. My two year old has already seen pornography! As mothers, our concern cannot be solely focused on keepimg it away. That is impossible. It is everywhere our children go, the mall, the grocery store check out aisle, the billboards,the gas stations, media, phones, and friends. Educating them begins as soon as they can understand "good picture/bad picture" (what makes them feel yucky or confused) turn it off, and "tell mommy". The more comfortable and educated we are with this subject, the more approachable we can be as parents. Open communication from the get-go. We CAN talk about this. We NEED to talk about this.


  1. I completely agree. It's a diffcult topic but this is a preventable and overcomable addiction. Lets prevent the next generation by discussing it! Thank you for your insight and honesty.

  2. Thanks for this blog. It is very helpful and I personally appreciate your openness and willingness to share a problem that affects so many of us LDS people... We have our battles too and I hope to continue to learn from you. Don't give up!

  3. I am so happy to hear that you have a supportive circle! Unfortunately, there are some narrow-minded & naive people who automatically think that those with a porn addiction are automatically depraved & perverted people. Yes, some are but let's not paint all with the same brush, right? In my own experience, I've had to be extremely careful with whom I share... we got burned a few times. Oh well, their loss in the opportunity to be helpful. Hopefully that won't happen to them.


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