Just wanted to post about some of the things I have found to help me through this process. Writing in my journal or this blog has been good, talking WAY OPENLY with my husband, cafemom.com, the book Confronting Pornography, and NOT controlling my husband.
-Writing has been a good outlet to express my emotions and also to keep track of how I felt when others need help in the stages I have now surpassed.
-Talking openly with my husband has been most beneficial I would say. This is a tricky one because your husband also has to be willing. We have been patient at listening to each other devulge what hurts us the most. We have stayed up for hours crying and physically hurting. In the moment it is so painful but we are able to completely communicate with each other and understand where we are coming from. I understand this is beyond difficult but for me it has been SUPER beneficial.
-Someone told me about the site cafemom.com. They have a forum called "wives of porn addicts" that has been really interesting and helpful. Some stuff is totally bizarre but I just disregard and read what pertains to me. I would reccommend it though.
-My brother in law sent my husband the book Confronting Pornography and it has a portion for the spouse. SOOO beneficial. I felt like it was my EXACT situation. I would TOTALLY reccommend it. Very good insight.
-Lastly, which I think may be more difficult for some than others, is NOT controlling my husband. This is not something I can fix for him. He has to do this on his own. Me monitoring him or checking internet usage is not going to solve this. We have gotten rid of his smart phone, watch significantly less tv, and have agreed that if he has a problem he tells me that day. Otherwise he is on his own. I love and support him and talk with him frequently. He goes to group therapys and is learning other outlets in stressful moments. I hope these things can be of benefit for you and if you have found other coping mechanisms please share. Addictions can be overcome. I am truly grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ and that He knows the pain we have all experienced. Heavenly Father is so aware of us and wants us so badly to overcome this and teach others how to do lifewise. Satan is vicious and works in such deceitful ways! We are strong women. As we strengthen our own families we can then help others strengthen theirs.
PS do something for youself today, I'm debating between a pedi or shopping... hmm