Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Never ending

This scares me. I fear relapse so badly. How will I respond? Will we have to start all over? Will everything have been in vain? I want a "quick fix" so badly but it's just not an option. We are doing incredibly well right now. No viewing since the day he told me :). I am proud of him. He has been so tempted these last few days and told me that this is typically when he would fall back into viewing. (Life is stressful for us right now). He has stayed strong even when it takes everything he possibly has to avoid it. I love him and respect him so much for this. When I read stories of relapse time after time I hurt. How does this addiction truly become rid from ones life? Right now I think we are on the right track and we are, but whose to say we won't be derailed in a year or 5 years from now? I guess what I need to do is live in the now. I cannot dread the future. All I can do is be proud of him today because today was a good day. If you have any insight on this matter I would greatly appreciate it.


  1. Have you found a support group for loved ones of sex addicts? I believe it is essential to your healing. We went through this for over 20 years before my husband got sober and is staying sober. I believe it has been key for me to find myself "sober" from being a raging codependent. I have found this help with my women's s-anon group. Mine happens to be sponsored by my church, but the community s-anon meetings are great as well. I have been to both and highly recommend this.

    It is hard to tell by your comment how long since you found out about your husband's addiction, but one of the things I learned that I did not know before, is that when someone lives with an addict, they become very sick with worry and control. I did this for sure.

    We need healing as much as they do. I not only attend weekly meetings, I work my recovery material every day as though my life depends on it. My husband may slip at some point, but I am confident that if I stay on my path of healing that I will not need to go back to the place of despair. I know that I can be okay even if he is not.

    I am wishing you the bestin your journey


    P.S. check out Dr. Douglas Weiss at sexaddict.com. He is amazing. Out of exhaustion and desperation, my husband attended his 3 day intensive treatmnet and it changed his life (and mine). Dr. Weiss has many resourses I have not yey found anywhere else.

  2. One thing that has helped is finding different coping methods. So when stress is high, there are healthy ways of coping & managing. For us, he exercises, takes the kids for walks, and TELLS me that he's super-stressed and we work it out.

    Keep it up. There are going to be slip-ups but the focus should be on the times BETWEEN those slip-ups. They will get longer and longer, the more he (& you) work on recovery.

  3. Relapse happens, at least to us it has several times... the main thing is to celebrate the periods of sobriety... be it 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years... then start over and never give up. I appreciate you blogging and hope to continue to learn from you

  4. I don't mean to be a pessimist, but I am a realist by nature, so I must chime in. Relapse happens. The chances that it will happen are almost certain. You need to ask very direct questions. If I asked my husband how he was doing, he would say that he was good and things were going well. I found out the hard way that he was terrified to tell me whenever he relapsed.

    He would go a year telling me that everything was okay and then when I'd ask him very VERY pointed questions, he would break down and admit that he had relapsed multiple times and not known how to tell me. I'm not saying that your husband has or even will relapse. Just know that they are so scared to hurt you. So scared that they will make you cry. So scared that you might leave them if they admit that they messed up.

    If he does relapse, do your best to not break down. I know it hurts more than you can describe, but if you want him to be honest with you, he needs to know that he can come to you. It took me years to get to the point where I could hear it and be calm and talk him through it without crying for hours first.


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