Thursday, April 5, 2012

Don't Bash

So let's just start by saying I am totally not perfect at this but it is still one of my pet peeves. What is this pet peeve you may ask... Let me tell you. Bashing and complaining about our husbands. TOTALLY not necessary and a terrible idea really. This applys to everyone regardless of an addiction or not. It applies to all of us as humans too, not just in a marriage. There is always something to complain about in life. There is. But complaining just makes things worse. Like I said, I am not perfect at this but sometimes listening to someone complain about their husband is just ridiculous, uncalled for, and annoying. I feel like so many of us (me included) expect our husbands to be super-human and perfect in every way. Doing every little thing we ever dreamed of or see on tv. (Those characters on tv, they're characters, NOT rael people... just a little fyi for ya.) Our husbands are suppose to make millions of dollars, do the dishes and take out the garbage without being asked, be chipper after work allowing us to rest from our exhausting motherly duties, rub our feet and back every night, get the children to bed without any fits, etc, etc.  Well guess what? They are not super-human. They are just like us. They have weaknesses, they have tempers, they have addictions they are working on, they have a need to be appreciated/loved, they get hungry and tired, they get worn-out, just like you and me. Therefore, complaining about them is totally hypocritical. I lose my temper at least once a day. I am exhausted all the time. I want to feel appreciated and loved, and most of the time I am quite worn out. And do you know what the last thing I want? Is to be complained about by my spouse. I don't want him to be critical of me and I especially don't want him degrading me to his friends. So let's not do that about them. May we all give our husbands a break. May they give us a break. Let's be a partnership to help ease the load on the other. For those of you doing this alone right now, keep fighting. I don't know the pain and heartache you carry but I know you are amazing and that you can do this. So many people love you and support you. I don't mean at all to leave you out on this post but I just feel like writing about this today. Something that I have found to work for me is that when my husband doesn't do something that I 'expect' him to do, I do it myself. I am a capable person, I can do it, just like he can. I need to work on my attitude when I do it myself because I am onery for about 5 minutes but then get over it because the task is done. Rather if I wait for him to do it (not knowing how long it will take) I am onery that entire time! Not good. Then I usually remind him when I am cooled down that, 'hey I would really appreciate it if you did such and such'. For me personally, I was suuuuuper independent before I got married. Apparently me signing the marriage certificate told my brain to become completely dependent on my husband. We absolutely need to depend on each other but to some extent. For example, today one of my kids bike needed some adjustments. No big deal right? So I got out the tools and did it instead of waiting for my husband to come home and do it. Typically my brain would tell me, that's a dad thing just wait. But no I could do this. My child wanted to ride the bike and I could do this easily and I did. I feel like this post is going no where but I guess I just get so annoyed when woman complain about their spouse (legitimate reason or not). You chose to marry this person. Don't degrade them, espeically in front of your kids or to other people. They are people just like me and you. We all have weaknesses. We all have rough days, weeks, or months. Don't complain about the great person, who is trying really hard, that you married however long ago.


  1. I hear ya, I have a friend that I will go weeks not talking to because I can't handle all the friggin complaining. And ius kinda comical cause as she complains her voice gets louder and more shrill to the point shes shrieking at me like I'm her husband. Uggg. Then I go home and complain about her to another friend..I'm not perfect either! Ha ha!

  2. Haha Scabs! No one is perfect.... but this is something I am ALWAYS trying to be better at.

    My manfriend's best friend asked him "how does Jacy treat her ex? Does she talk crap on him?" and Seth replied with, "you know.... she still respects him... and mostly says positive things about him..." his friend replied with "That shows a lot about the type of person she is..."

    While I'm not tooting my own horn here because I HAVE talked smack on my ex A LOT (in the last 2 years), but I love what his friend said! You CAN tell so much about a woman by how she talks about and treats her husband (or her ex for that matter).

    Unless you were specifically referring to me Wife A and my words triggered this post (haha), this is something I am always working towards. Showing respect for him, even though I want to gouge his eyeballs out sometimes, and peaking kindly of him ESPECIALLY in front of my son.

    Thank you for reminding of this. So true!

  3. This is so true!! This week I took out the trash and mowed the lawn cause I couldn't wait for him any longer and didn't want to complain about it. I felt much better bring active than being whiny!!!


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